World Cup Winning Astronaut Quits UKIP

While current UKIP leader Adolf von Batten makes final preparations for his Nuremberg- style victory rally in London on Sunday, accompanied by Stephen Yaxley Lennon, who styles himself Tommy Robinson, there to fill the Joseph Goebbels role, the party which he leads is disintegrating to the point of parody. And the latest resignations, coming today, are not a coincidence: they are from people who want no part in the new Batten project.

An' then I pulled the fucchhhn' trigger, but it still didn't stop me talking shite

The Kippers lost their London spokesman today after Peter Whittle quit the party, to the accompaniment of Twitter bots who grandly told him that Lennon was “merely the messenger” and “not a villain”. He was joined by UKIP’s only Scottish representative, the unpleasantly eccentric David Coburn, who asserted that the party had been “infiltrated by people with an alternative agenda”. His resignation letter makes interesting reading.

 “As a unionist, I abhor English nationalism as much as I abhor Scottish nationalism. The party has been infiltrated by people with an alternative agenda, which is not the one on which I stood when I was elected and sadly does not represent the values for which UKIP once stood. I did not run on an anti-Islam platform. Unfortunately, this seems to be the direction that UKIP is taking - obsessing about this issue to the exclusion of all else at a time when we might lose the Brexit we fought so hard for”. Well, quite.

I em not a racialist, but, und zis is a big but

But the pièce de résistance was the reappearance of atom-splitting, box girder bridge-designing, Nobel Peace Prize winning, Oscar winning, World Cup stalwart and Apollo Program Astronaut Paul Nuttall. The former UKIP comedy leader had broken wind, sorry, cover, just so he could resign. And then he was gone again.

As the BBC has reported, “Former UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has quit the party in protest at the decision to appoint Tommy Robinson as an adviser. Mr Nuttall said he was leaving because the party was being taken in a direction ‘harmful to Brexit’. The association with the former English Defence League leader would ‘appall many moderate Brexit voters,’ he said”. The timing of these resignations is not a coincidence.

Sunday’s march is widely expected to see the Wall Of Gammon™ out in force, along with their usual behavioural characteristics - getting aled up and kicking off, attacking the Metropolitan Police, abusing journalists, damaging property, and seeking out Scary Muslims™ wherever they find them. Lennon has pleaded for good behaviour. Ho ho ho.

Added to this will be a counter protest, so when the Wall Of Gammon™ does indeed kick off, it will be blamed on the non-existent “fascist left”. This is one reason Nuttall, Coburn and the rest are going: UKIP may be a bunch of bigots, but the party has not been a street protest movement, even though its leaders have dabbled in Islamophobia.

Paul Nuttall and David Coburn may be top political comedy value. But they make a serious point: they are getting out before the shit hits the fan. Once the wider electorate sees what UKIP has become, Brexit will be a yet further tarnished idea, perhaps fatally so.

When even the fantasists leave UKIP, you know it’s finished. Good thing too.

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