Don’t Menshn The Christmas Turkey

The festive season is once more upon us, but while many of us enjoy a Christmas of eating, drinking and being merry, it is also the time of year to spare a thought for those in need. Some are in need of food and shelter; others of someone to talk to in the dark days of winter. And some are merely in need of even more attention than their antics are currently able to provide for them.

Has she got news for us? Not yet

Particularly in need of more attention for Herself Personally Now this Christmas is former Tory MP Louise Mensch, now representing the distant constituency of Manhattan Upmarket, and to this end she has engaged in a series of seasonal stampy tantrums in an effort to turn all that ridicule into perhaps a little sympathy and admiration. Sadly, this has been an abject failure.

The latest push for credibility came with a leap onto the Team Nigella bandwagon: “Great scoop from the Sunday Times. Liar and pig, domestic abuser Charles Saatchi planned the Nigella drug allegations with them” she trilled. With whom? And that scoop was the Sunday People’s, thanks. On top of that, she’s only five and a half months late arriving at the party. But do go on.

“What is so surprising is that Saatchi once had pretentions to being a gentleman. Hilarious”. Which is meaningless drivel, but good plugging for Uncle Rupe. And Ms Mensch is straight on to the hated BBC, which also matches the Murdoch agenda. “As Patten rejects any accountability for the fiefdom Parliament gave him, the only option is radical reform of the charter”, so more meaninglessness, then.

And, as the man said, there’s more: “Cameron should not wait for the Charter. He should seek cross party support to legislate now and force BBC accountability”. Like his opponents would listen. Then a real beauty: “Patten should without doubt be sacked. He is the most arrogant mandarin of all time, which is quite the achievement”. Yes folks, Louise Mensch just called someone else arrogant.

What else might please the Dirty Digger? Ah yes, kicking the Lib Dems. So Vince Cable’s appearance on The Andy Marr Show (tm) yesterday is dredged up. “Shorter Vince Cable: ‘Look at meeeee. Look at meeeeee. The Holocaust was exaggerated. Vote Lib Dem (meeeeeeee)’” she froths. Cable, to no surprise, said nothing of the sort, but hey ho, nor did Piers Morgan claim to have hacked phones.

But she does try to stand up the accusation: “he compares Bulgarian/Romanian economic migration to Jews fleeing for their lives”. He made no comparison, but that isn’t the point: Louise Mensch is not interested in facts, but in sucking up to her new paymaster while screaming at everyone to Look At Her. And the good news is that she will provide more of the same comedy gold in the New Year.

So a toast to the steaming turkey she has given us is well deserved. Cheers!