Brave Sir Michael Ran Away

As campaigning gets underway in earnest for the General Election, an increasing number of Tory MPs have considered the prospects for their re-election, concluded that they might just get unseated by either Labour or the Lib Dems, and concluded “stuff this for a game of soldiers”. Some who should be returned with comfortable majorities have also joined the exodus.

A talent not to be sniffed at. Allegedly

So it was that the number of those deciding to spend more time counting their piles of money, or take up alternative employment, or merely figure out that they have made so many years’ contributions to their pension and can put their feet up, reached the number who left Parliament in 1997, the last time the Tories experienced a shellacking on the scale expected this time.

However, and here we encounter a seriously sized however, back then, “Shagger” Major had already lost his majority. Today’s exodus was not, as a percentage of Tory MPs, as significant. Until the magic figure of 75 was exceeded, with the addition to the departure list of Michael “Oiky” Gove.

It was Gove, so we were told by the odious flannelled fool Master Harry Cole, who had given Rishi Sunak his rousing support at Cabinet, declaring “Who dares wins. And you have dared, PM, and will win”. Now he’s running away. Along with Andrea Leadsom, who for some reason was considered a legitimate candidate for the Tory leadership after Young Dave bungled the EU referendum and also ran away. Someone else could clear up the mess.

The news did not go down well with right-leaning pundits, not least the terminally useless Tim Montgomerie. Monty’s first effort was simply “F**k”. Then it got worse. “THE TORY CAMPAIGN IS NOW IN COMPLETE AND UTTER MELTDOWN (And, yes, I AM SHOUTING HYSTERICALLY) … + I DID WARN TORY MPs THAT SUNAK WAS USELESS AT POLITICS”.

As Sir Sean nearly said, I think we got the point. But he wasn’t finished. “Where is Crosby? Where is Fullbrook? The lunatics (and amateurs) have taken over the asylum”. Maybe Gove got a job offer from Creepy Uncle Rupe and thought it more appealing than losing to the Lib Dems.

Meanwhile, ITV Political Editor Robert Peston had more bad news. “Senior Tories expect a significant number of further MP resignations over the weekend, in the wake of Gove’s and Leadsom’s decisions not to fight the election. Quite a number who have been re-approved as candidates have been in two minds, and thought they had till the autumn to decide. The party has more than 150 seats and rising with no candidate.” There was more.

“That is a lot of candidates for CCHQ to find before 7 June and a lot of wasted campaigning days. It does rather indicate Sunak called the election before his party was ready”. It’s almost as if Gove throwing in the towel kicked away the supports. In 1997, the Tories held their discipline almost to the end of the campaign. This time, they’ve lost it before they even get started.

Who else is going, rather than become part of multiple Portillo Moments? Sunak seems to have taken the prospect on board, with the Guardian’s Kiran Stacey telling “Sunak is going to take a day off the trail tomorrow in a highly unusual move so early in the campaign. He will spend it at home in talks with his senior aides. But the Tories insist this is NOT a campaign relaunch.”

With another poll, this time from Techne UK, showing the Tories polling so badly that they would end up with so few seats, the Lib Dems would become the official opposition, many MPs will be asking themselves Harry Callahan’s immortal question: “Do I feel … lucky?” Who will be the next big name to jump? Jacob Rees Mogg? Jeremy Hunt Hunt Hunt Hunt Hunt?

Even the most slavishly Tory supporting papers are getting the jitters, with the Daily Brexit, still called the Express, howling “NOW GOVE QUITS! MINISTER’S SHOCK EXIT ROCKS TORIES”. The Mail has kept “Oiky” off the front page, but has given its main headline to Rachel Reeves, claiming an alleged “exclusive”. The Murdoch Sun has no front page politics at all.

That not-a-relaunch had better be special. Otherwise it’s Tory game over.

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