So Farewell Then Suella Braverman

The right-leaning part of our free and fearless press may have had worse days, and at least today’s exhibition of bum steers isn’t in the “Dewey Beats Truman” category, but the increasingly desperate and downmarket Telegraph, followed closely by the Murdoch Sun and Rothermere Daily Stürmer, sorry, Mail, have ended up covered in rather more than confusion this morning.

Why should I be sacked? I have done nothing right

The Tel thundered “Braverman: The hate marches must end”, the lack of subs the most likely cause of not noticing that one does not capitalise after a colon. But do go on. “SUELLA BRAVERMAN has said the weekly pro-Palestine marches that have ‘polluted’ the streets with hate ‘can’t go on’, as the Government considered toughening up protest laws”. And the Mail?

“SUELLA COMES OUT FIGHTING … Marchers ‘valorise terrorism’ and ‘pollute streets with hate’ says Home Secretary as she defies critics who want her sacked”. Does she now? Over at the Sun, the odious flannelled fool Master Harry Cole, still pretending to be a real journalist, was the name on the by-line of another example of taking dictation from the Tories.

Famous last f***ing Dacre words, eh?

“Exclusive: Protest Crackdown … NEVER AGAIN … As Kate marks silence, new laws to protect Remembrance” is the headline, with readers still reading told “RISHI Sunak has ordered a major tightening of protest laws after Armistice day was blighted by hate-filled thugs”. The thought that “Kate” was pictured on the Sunday, and the exhibition of racist violence by the far-right brains trust happened on the Saturday, was not allowed to enter.

Not one of those titles put the most obvious potential news on their front pages - that calls for Ms Braverman and her SUELLA personality cult to be removed from the Home Office had gone from loud to deafening after she ignored Downing Street over another of those newspaper rants.

And the punctuation lessons must begin

Moreover, the appearance of the far-right, vocal, violent, abusive, and full of race hate, was to an extent down to her dog-whistling. So it was more with a sense of relief that the inevitable news arrived: Rishi Sunak had finally summoned a sufficient reserve of cojones to sack the hate-filled SOB. Braverman, and the personality cult of SUELLA, out, to the great relief of all those who wished she had never been appointed in the first place.

So much for the Mail’s defiant and indeed threatening front page headline last Friday: “COME FOR SUELLA AND YOU COME FOR US ALL”. How did that work out for the paper’s editor in chief, the legendarily foul mouthed Paul Dacre? How many Prime Ministers were bent to the Vagina Monologue’s will?

Or maybe not

Meanwhile, Sunak had some serious reshuffling to do: the first part was straightforward, moving James Cleverly from the FO to the HO. He was sensibly brief in his comment to reporters: “It is an honour to be appointed as home secretary. The goal is clear. My job is to keep people in this country safe”. So it is. But who would replace him at the Foreign Office?

Taking dictation? Never a good idea

The Tory talent pond is hardly deep. And so it came to pass that Sunak brought us a blast from the less than illustrious past and summoned Young Dave from well-merited retirement as Lord Cameron Of Jolly Good Sheow. Kath Viner may regret binning Steve Bell, if only for the caricature of Cameron as a condom. Also, Sunak has problems with this appointment.

JOLLY POOR SHEOW! ((c) Steve Bell 2013)

Young Dave dissed the PM over cancelling Phase 2 of HS2. Worse, Sunak trying to define himself against previous Tory leaders will now put him in on of those Very Difficult Positions. Still, Cam was suitably upbeat: “While I have been out of front-line politics for the last seven years, I hope that my experience - as Conservative Leader for eleven years and Prime Minister for six - will assist me in helping the prime minister”. JOLLY GOOD SHEOW!

But all the recycling of Boundless Hope And Optimism cannot mask the grim reality for the Tories: they lose every by-election, the back benches are so bereft of ability that another unelected has-been has to be drafted in to plug the gaps, and their support is at an all-time low. At least Braverman is out.

After she emboldened the far-right, sadly. Still, Just Rejoice At That News.

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