Mail Joins Bozo Down The Rabbit Hole

On occasion, our free and fearless press likes to remind us that, not only is it a bought and paid for part of the political establishment, and usually the right-leaning part of it, but also that it is prepared to bend the facts well beyond the limits of structural integrity in pursuit of shoring up that establishment.

So it was that the inmates of the Northcliffe House bunker went in to bat for disgraced former alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson this week. This was, you understand, with the highest of motives, and nothing to do with the Mail’s editor in chief, the legendarily foul mouthed Paul Dacre, and its current editor, Ted Verity, both apparently being in line for gongs when Bozo eventually gets his Prime Ministerial resignation honours passed.

10 Downing Street under Bozo’s tenure, despite the Covid restrictions that most of us had to obey, had been Party Central. The booze flowed, there were impromptu bouts of freestyle vomiting, some engaged in consensual if alcohol fuelled sex, a little property damage occurred, and worst of all, this resulted in 126 fines being issued by the Metropolitan Police.

Under pressure from all sides, including his own, Bozo commissioned an independent inquiry into what he claimed not to know anything about. This would be undertaken by senior Civil Servant Sue Gray, and we should wait for her findings. She came to a conclusion not dissimilar to that of the Met: there had indeed been parties in Downing Street during lockdown.

And it was here that the Mail began its journey into the rabbit hole, by talking well, but lying badly. Bozo had a birthday party in Downing Street? Readers were told “The cake remained in its Tupperware container”. Once established upon the course of saying anything - usually untrue - to excuse Bozo’s antics, what has happened this week was the inevitable end point.

Ms Gray has now, it seemed, been tapped by Labour leader Keir Starmer to be his chief of staff. This should not surprise anyone: he knew her from his time as Director of Public Prosecutions. She had already been praised for her rigour and independence by senior Tories; Starmer would therefore demonstrate that he was serious about getting the Top Job himself.

The result at the Mail, though, was one of pant-wetting fury. “Outrage as Sue Gray accepts plum job with Starmer … Boris allies say validity of her No10 inquiry is ‘destroyed’ … Ex-PM ‘shocked and disgusted’ as senior Tories ask IS THIS PROOF THE PARTYGATE PROBE WAS A LABOUR PLOT?” howled the Friday headline, bringing a superb example of QTWTAIN.

Who went in to bat for Bozo? Sadly, only (yes, it’s her again) Nadine Dorries, and Jacob Rees Mogg, already on record praising Ms Gray’s independence. And the Commons Privileges Committee, before which Bozo will be giving evidence later this month, is now awaiting the ex-PM’s explanation.

Why so? “On 1 December 2021, Mr Johnson told the House: ‘All guidance was followed completely in No10’. We will consider why Mr Johnson told the House that no guidance had been broken in No10 when he knew what the guidance was and was in attendance at gatherings where the guidance was breached; and why he failed to tell the House about [those] gatherings”.

There was more. “On 8 December 2021, Mr Johnson told the House: “The guidance was followed and the rules were followed at all times”. We will consider why Mr Johnson told the House that no rules or guidance had been broken in No10 when he knew what the rules and guidance were and was in attendance at gatherings where the rules and guidance were breached; and why he failed to tell the House about [those] gatherings”. Ouch!

What the f***'s my gong to you, c***?!?!?

Bang to rights, Mr Johnson! So how is the Mail going to spin that one? As if you need to ask. “Report claims Partygate rule breaches would have been ‘obvious’ to ex-PM … But he insists they’ve found no proof and he’s been vindicated … BORIS: NOT A SHRED OF EVIDENCE I MISLED MPs”.

Yes, Dacre and Verity have led their unfortunate hacks even further down the rabbit hole. The problem with going in to bat for a congenital liar is that you end up having to, at a very minimum, broadcast his lies, and as with the cake-and-Tupperware-container whopper, throw in a few of your own. And going from praising Sue Gray’s independence to slagging her off.

All this to save the reputation of someone who wouldn’t cross the street to piss on Dacre and Verity if he saw they were on fire. All the reinvention of reality just to keep alive the increasingly distant prospect of the two of them securing honours from a system that Dacre, for one, has regularly denounced as being “tainted”. Reality, for him, truly is no more than a state of mind.

Bozo is toast. He will be found to have misled Parliament, and on multiple occasions. And his boosters will be exposed as sad, pathetic fools. The end.

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