Tory Cost Of Living Plan FLOPS

With alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson edging ever closer to the exit door, and demonstrating his commitment to all those still backing him - continuing to be taken for mugs - by going off on yet another holiday, the impression is given that there is no-one at the controls, no Government, no action, that the Tories really don’t care.

Nadhim Zahawi: did one of his team brief the idea?

Someone has clearly decided that this impression must be turned around, that the Government really is getting to grips with the cost of living crisis, that the Tories actually do care, and most importantly that they are in touch with all those ordinary people they conned into voting for them in 2019.

And so it came to pass that a policy idea was cobbled together: this was then communicated to the waiting masses using the conduit of a carefully selected client journalist. The lucky recipient of the resultant pile of fresh and steaming bullpucky was Kate Ferguson, newly appointed as political editor of the Murdoch Sun on Sunday, who duly proclaimed the briefing as an “exclusive”.

The thought occurred that her weekday counterpart, the odious flannelled fool Master Harry Cole, may have seen this one coming and bodyswerved it, so lame was the content on offer. “Brits could get money off their energy bills by getting a PRESCRIPTION from their GP under radical new plans” read the headline, because the Sun puts the IMPORTANT words in CAPITALS.

There was more. “DOCTORS will be able to write prescriptions to give Brits money off their energy bills under radical government proposals … The idea has been drawn up by the Treasury as they scramble to ease the painful cost of living crisis hammering the country … Under one radical option, needy Brits would be told to go to their GP if they needed help heating their homes”.

So radical, they named it twice. Or maybe that should read “so radical it should have been binned first”. But do go on. “Their doctor would chat to the patient and verify they needed help - either because they were sick, elderly or just in need. The GP would then effectively write a prescription saying the person should get money off their bills. This could be doled out in cash via the local council, or come in the form of a voucher for gas and electricity”.

Ah, the old Someone Else Is Going To Have To Stump Up The Dosh ploy. At least the article anticipates the problems: “Treasury officials are braced for GPs to kick off at the wacky idea”. And they’re all heart: “They are trying to come up with a plan which is not universal, as they do not want to be handing cash bungs to the ultra rich”. Indeed. They already bunged them lots of dosh.

So how well was this patently ridiculous idea received? As if you need to ask: Jonathan Portes of King’s College London concluded that it was “Genuinely beyond idiotic”. Sam Freedman was taken by surprise. “This is one of the most demented ideas I've ever seen. I don't know where to start”. And Dmitri Grozoubinski wondered what intellectual process had arrived at this point.

“I play a lot of Dungeons and Dragons. I build entire worlds from scratch for my players. I improvise intricate characters on the spot. I invent mystical creatures and fabulous arcane items. Yet my imagination fails me. I cannot imagine the meeting that came up with this idea”. Meanwhile, Labour’s deputy leader Angela Rayner had the obvious solution ready to roll.

“For far too many people under the Tories, work no longer pays. 5 million working people are living in poverty … A Labour government will guarantee a genuine National Living Wage for all adult workers”. PAY PEOPLE PROPERLY. Added to holding down the energy price cap. Sometimes the best solutions are in the realm of Stating The Bleeding Obvious.

There might, whisper it quietly, be less industrial unrest under such a scenario. So why the Tories would not go down that route looks mystifying. Unless they don’t mind a few strikes. Keep the core vote on side, and all that. Pity about the country they’re supposed to be running, mind.

Their ideas are so bad, it’s clear: the Tories are out of ideas. And out of road.

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