Bozo And Arcuri - Integrity My Arse

Courtesy of Allegra Stratton, Downing Street’s very own Ri Chun-Hee, we now have another classic non-excuse to rank alongside “A big boy did it and ran away”, “I could be arguing in my spare time”, and “Holds his wand while he’s thinking” (ask an older relative about the last one). This is the claim that alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson “acts with integrity and honesty”. Of course he does, Ms S.

Allegra Stratton

This jaw-droppingly fraudulent claim came following the inevitable questioning on Bozo’s four-year affair with Jennifer Arcuri, whose story has appeared in the Mirror titles (the thought has occurred that she wouldn’t have persuaded the Sun or Mail, who would have paid more, to dish the dirt, as they are so heavily invested in The Adoration Of The Boris).

New Downing Street spokesperson Shock Horror

There was, Ms Arcuri confirmed, a physical relationship between her and Bozo. They screwed at her place just before the Olympics opening ceremony. They screwed at the Bozo family home, on the sofa. No doubt in the next few days we will discover other Bozo and Jen screwing locations. In addition, there was rather a lot of public money.

And this is where it becomes potentially difficult for The Great Leader. Ms Arcuri not only scored a number of foreign jollies during her intimate friendship with Bozo, she also scored well over £100k in grants. Thus the difficult questions. And the lame excuses in reply.

As Pippa Crerar of the Mirror, who knows Bozo of old, noted, “PM press sec Allegra Stratton says of Boris Johnson: "He does believe in the wider principles of integrity and honesty … He acts with integrity and honesty and he follows the Nolan principles when conducting himself in public life’”. The Nolan principles, it is true, do not specifically preclude having a quickie on the family sofa, or a pre-Olympics pole dance.

But Ms Crerar’s colleague Dan Bloom had heard enough. “Boris Johnson's Press Sec Allegra Stratton has insisted he followed ‘all legal requirements’ in his alleged affair with Jennifer Arcuri - so that's all right then! She (wrongly, AFAIK) said the IOPC report found claims of impropriety against him were ‘untrue and unfounded’”. Do go on.

“No10's Allegra Stratton claimed *nine times* today that the IOPC ruled allegations of impropriety against Boris Johnson were ‘untrue and unfounded’. That's before she was told those words don't actually appear in the IOPC report - they were used by a No10 spokesperson”. So Ms Stratton has said something that is not true. Several times.

As the Mirror has wasted no time in telling its readers, the ridicule has been raining down on her as a result. On ITV Good Morning Britain, they noted that co-host Ben Shephard, “Joined by co-star Susanna Reid, the Mirror's Kevin Maguire and the Mail's Andrew Pierce, … scoffed at the response from Downing Street”. There was more.

“[Ms Reid] read out the statement from Johnson's spokesperson, saying: ‘Yesterday his spokesman said that he acted with honesty and integrity. Umm …’ As the panel tried to stifle their laughter, Ben jumped in and said: ‘We're just laughing - it's ridiculous! We're all just laughing at the idea’”. That is why the Times, Sun, i Paper, Mail and Express are splashing feel-good end-of-lockdown propaganda over their front pages.

Bozo couldn’t tell integrity from a hole in the ground. Will he get away with it once again?

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