Bozo And Carrie Present Blue Peter

Hello children. Hello there. Are you sitting comfortably? Then we’ll begin. Today, Blue Peter is coming from 10 Downing Street. That’s a big house in the middle of London with lots of people in it, but that’s not important right now. We’ve got two really brilliant guest presenters today called Bozo and Carrie. He’s a lazy fat bastard, and she isn’t.

Hellay Cheeldren!

One hates not to take alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson seriously, but what he and fiancée-for-the-time-being Carrie Symonds served up in a cringe-inducing, and potentially nausea-inducing, video yesterday cannot be other than taking the piss. There they were on a sofa, telling us how wonderful NHS workers are.

The video, with a noticeable gap between the happy couple, was recorded for the Pride of Britain awards ceremony next Sunday. This Daily Mirror and ITV bash told “Our Prime Minister Boris and fiance [sic] Carrie Symonds have a message for our wonderful NHS workers and those who saved his life. Join us this Sunday at 9pm on ITV for the biggest celebration of our nation's heroes!” to a backdrop of audible projectile vomiting.

For some reason, the Great British Public was less than totally receptive to this faux show of unity and sincerity. And Matt Carr was one of them. “I have to say that Carrie Symonds and Johnson couch video is one of the most fake, patronising and vomit-inducing things I have ever seen. How dare these clowns inflict this on us in the midst of this mayhem? How can people not see how deeply repugnant the pair of them are?”

Nick Harris wasn’t a fan, either. “OMG that Boris and Carrie video in full is soooooooooo tone deaf. Absolutely everything about it is woeful, patronising, insincere, crass, grating and awful. How anyone in PR who signed off on that remains in a job: God only knows”.

David Schneider reminded us “WHAT BORIS JOHNSON WILL GIVE NHS STAFF: Pride of Britain nomination … Some claps … WHAT HE WON’T GIVE THEM: A proper pay rise”. For Labour, Rosena Allin-Khan, who you can tell as she’s a doctor, added “This is an insult. Johnson should be pleading for forgiveness for inadequately protecting NHS staff and for refusing to give them the pay rise they deserve”.

What say health professionals? Nicki Credland, who is Chair of the British Association of Critical Care Nurses, suggested instead of an award “How about we respect their expertise, listen to their voice and pay them accordingly?” And Victoria Brookes knew what was coming next. “I’ll just be over here waiting for Janey Godley’s voiceover of that disgustingly fake Boris and Carrie video”. Och SHITE! Where’s ma clicky pen?

A grateful public responds

But enough. Bozo and Carrie may have thought that this was a jolly wizzo idea, which merely shows the yawning gulf between the ruling elite and the reality beyond the Downing Street gates. Like his hero Churchill, Bozo doesn’t mix with the hoi polloi. He has no idea what a heap of crap his New Bus For London is, because he doesn’t use public transport. He probably thinks all pubs are like the ones his pal Tim Martin runs.

All that is left is for the rest of us to try and keep our last meal down. Pass the sick bucket.

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