Tony Abbott - Bozo Hires Dickhead

As befits any story involving unelected foreigners, it was the Murdoch Sun, and its pretend political editor, the odious flannelled fool Master Harry Cole, that was handed the news that former Oz Prime Minister Tony Abbott, whose defeat as Liberal leader “was a result of poor opinion polling, policy U-turns and gaffes and mean-spirited politics”, has been appointed joint President of the Board of Trade. So what was the deal?

I'm the posh Pommie bastard's fall guy? Crikey!

Abbott has been “tasked with drumming up deals for Britain around the world … The Sun understands Boris Johnson has asked Mr Abbott to join as part of a drive to get a number of global ‘friends’ to bang the drum from Brexit Britain”. So perhaps we should consider his record of achievement, or in Abbott’s case, the lack of it.

Tony Abbott was born in the UK, but his family moved to Australia before his third birthday. To become Prime Minister of Australia, he must have been “solely an Australian citizen” and so would have renounced British nationality beforehand. That means he is not only unelected, but a foreigner. So why is Tone available right now?

Behold the extent of Bozo's trade expertise

Abbott had first been elected as an MP in 1994, but his popularity declined following his losing the Liberal leadership in 2015. Last year, he lost his supposedly safe seat, Warringah, to an Independent candidate. Then there is his climate change denialism.

This from Wikipedia: “In October 2017, Abbott spoke in London at the Global Warming Policy Foundation, a climate-skeptic lobby group, where he described climate change as ‘probably doing good; or at least, more good than harm.’ He argued that higher concentrations of carbon dioxide act as ‘plant food’ and ‘are actually greening the planet and helping to lift agricultural yields’ … On 15 December 2019, he claimed that the world was ‘in the grip of a climate cult’”. What a silly cult (GWPF are climate change deniers).

And what of his attitude to all those Scary Muslims™? “Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott defended people’s right to target Muslims and Islam, saying Islamophobia, unlike terrorism, has never killed anyone. Mr Abbott has also claimed Australia’s leadership sufferers from a ‘surrender mindset’ which somehow weakens its defence against terrorism”. But, in another of those U-Turns, he later renounced his comments.

As to his suitability as a trade expert (no, don’t laugh), Jonathan Portes of King’s College London had something to say about that: “Former Australian PM says No Deal would be fine because Australia's trade with the EU, with no trade deal, is 5% of Australian GDP. Comparable figure for UK is over 30%. Weapons-grade idiocy”.

And Mikey Smith of the Mirror was not as enthusiastic as Master Cole about Bozo’s new hire. “The man who infamously got so drunk at work he fell asleep in his office and missed five finance votes. And who, when he got sacked, reportedly danced shirtless in his office on an Italian marble table, which he broke … And who is so popular in his home country that people stop him in the street to call him a ‘dickhead’. That guy? Great hire”.

Welcome to Pommieland, Tony - you’re a bladdy dickhead! And a convenient scapegoat.

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