Toby Young Dating Site - Comedy Gold

Still trying to pretend that the Coronavirus pandemic is not really as bad as even his own preferred Government says it is, the loathsome Toby Young has had a brilliant idea. Or at least it seemed that way at the time. “We’ve introduced a dating forum at http://LockdownSceptics.org, so singles who feel the same way about the virus can meet and not have to worry about differing attitudes to social distancing”.

Would he be encouraging others to break the law? Moving right along from that thought, the ridicule was soon raining down, typified by “Just signed up for the Toby Young dating web site and got my first two matches” with photos of Ann Widdecombe and Katie Hopkins. Ian Fraser added “What a spiffing wheeze [geddit?!?!?]! Toby's launched a Tinder for anti-maskers and virus spreaders”. Then came the embarrassing screen shots.

James Doleman grabbed a pearler before it was deleted. Under the heading “Seeking Patriotic Crumpet”, the poster told “After a demoralising divorce I was, like many, invigorated by the Brexit movement only to [be] let down by Boris in this mask debacle. Looking for albion-loving lady 35-50 who would be open to dressing up as Winston Churchill and spanking me with a cricket bat while I sing ‘Land of Hope and Glory’. No snowflakes need apply”. Whatever floats your boat. Wonder why he was divorced?

Wonder why Tobes felt the need to deny him his freedom of speech? No matter though, some of the more recent entries on the forum are equally grim, with the impression being given that someone out there is taking the piss out of the hapless Young.

Here’s one fine example: “38 year old nationalist, libertarian seeks 16-55y/o white female for maskless dates, political discussions and maybe more. Higher Education: University of Life. I will not succumb to the nanny state or science. I will not tolerate homosexuals, Guardian readers, feminists, or those who believe in equal rights. If you do move to the USSR”. That’s “Surrey/South West London area” for anyone interested.

Or how about “I was divorced a few years ago and am not buying this lockdown business one jot - seems to be a big distraction from all the illegal immigrants flooding into this country (why are the government covering it up?). Have seen a few myself at various hotels I've tried to book”. Finances? “Certainly enough to cover my round!” Ri-i-ight.

But then comes the Pièce de Résistance. “Artist and struggling writer, ex-Forces WLTM blonde, blue-eyed woman for relationship that will last a thousand years. Interests include public speaking, VW Beetles and Ancient Greek Olympics. Dislikes include Indiana Jones films. Slight anger issues. No timewasters, trade unionists, homosexuals or communists”.

Don’t tell me, he’s a bit on edge, he hasn’t slept since 1945. Meanwhile, suggestions came in for theme songs (“take my breath away” being a favourite) and Doleman contributed the coup de grace: “Hearing Hollywood are already making a film about Toby Young's dating App … Fatal Attraction”. Was that really such a great idea, Tobes?

Toby Young went to Oxford, you know. Just to do the drains, you understand.

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