Sarah Vine - Never Knowingly Over-Researched

When you least expect it, your opponents ride to your rescue. Recently, to demonstrate rather better than I could that whatever the Daily Mail pay her for her piss-poor columns, the Lady Macbeth-like figure of Sarah “Vain” Vine has come galloping. The spin never stands up to the slightest scrutiny, and the research, well, it just never gets done.

After Jessica Simor had posted a video where Ms Vine’s husband Michael “Oiky” Gove told, during the referendum campaign, “The day after we vote to leave, we hold all the cards and we can choose the path that we want”, and pointedly added “Please retweet and [Michael Gove] [Sarah Vine] please watch and then talk”, off went Ms Vine.

“I thought the law was meant to be impartial” [Ms Simor is a QC]. Journalist Carl Eve responded “Barristers. No. Attorney Generals?” The reference to the hapless Suella Braverman may have gone over Ms Vine’s head. Another Tweeter gave her a helpful prod. “Jessica is not tweeting on behalf of a client, she’s tweeting in a personal capacity”.

And then came Paul Bernal to remind Ms Vine that she had made yet another Twitter foray probably without engaging brain: “Jessica Simor, unlike Judge Dredd, is not the law”. Well, quite: a six-figure wedge for not knowing that. Could she make matters worse? Could she Tweet the next one before 2000 hours, not that this should imply anything?

LBC host James O’Brien was about to find out. Seeing that alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson was off on holiday yet again, he asked “What exactly is Boris Johnson taking a holiday from? It's certainly not work”. Bozo The Clown, it is true, is no stranger to the Veblenian concept of Conspicuous Leisure.

Or, indeed, when someone else is paying, Conspicuous Consumption. But Ms Vine knew more about Bozo’s life than everyone else - well, perhaps with the exception of Carrie Symonds, that is. “Being prime minister is 24/7. The stress alone is incomprehensible. People make bad decisions when they are tired and stressed”. Bozo makes bad decisions period, and they are almost always reactive ones - as with the exam results fiasco.

This was the lamest of spin. We all know Bozo is a lazy SOB. He was around 50% heavier than was ideal for someone of his height when he was taken to St Thomas’ Hospital and soon transferred to an Intensive Care bed. That’s not the result of hard work - it’s the result of laziness, lack of exercise, and a significant side order of overindulgence.

In any case, Natalie Rowe had by this time had enough. “People?..... Boris Johnson is meant to be the PM, so if he’s not up to the job, (which he clearly isn’t), he can just STEP DOWN. On another note, why do [you] refer to yourself as a WAG, you and your husband Gove sleep in separate beds!” That’s a BOOM, an OUCH and a BURN all in one.

The thing you have to know about Natalie is that Natalie knows. Especially about all those politicians. And especially those who have an occasional friend called Charlie.

I told you Sarah Vine wasn’t worth what the Mail paid her. Now you know why.

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