Darren Grimes - You’re A Wanker

He claims his bad press is because he doesn’t have a degree, comes from a working class area, speaks with a provincial accent, mentions his mam a lot, and is a conservative. But the real reason why so many dismiss Darren Grimes, the UK’s most inept form-filler, as a total and absolute wanker is because, well, he really is one.

Dazza’s latest bout of opening mouth and inserting boot while stimulating himself by hand is all about more of that BBC bashing. After the perpetually thirsty Paul Staines and his rabble at the Guido Fawkes blog had told readers “The BBC along with ITV are attempting to draw attention to their struggling streaming service ‘BritBox’. (Guido will never understand they didn’t just push the iPlayer brand international). In order to spark attention, and presumably prevent more BBC employees using the established internal name ‘Sh*tBox’, a new series of Spitting Image has been commissioned”, he was off.

“The absolute cheek of the BBC pushing its new Spitting Image series via its subscription-based BritBox platform when it already takes £157.50 off of us all” he bleated, aided and abetted by the Lady Macbeth-like figure of Sarah “Vain” Vine, who added “You could just end that tweet after ‘BBC’”, while hoping for more pundit opportunities from, er, the BBC.

Vincent McAviney, who does work for both BBC News and ITN, and so knows a little about the industry, tried to break it to Dazza gently. “It’s an ITV programme on a 90% ITV owner streaming service”. Carl Eve added “Odd. I recall watching Spitting Image (which was on the telly before Darren was born) on ITV. And Britbox is 90% owned by ITV. This is what passes for ‘conservative commentator, broadcaster and Brexit campaigner’ [his words] these days”. Spitting Image is, indeed, an ITV property.

Nick Stevenson took it nice and slowly. “1. ‘Spitting Image’ is an ITV property. 2. ITV are a partner (with the BBC) in Brit Box. 3. Brit Box commissioned the new series. I'm sure even an idiot can work it out from there. Can you Darren?” The Tweeter known as Democracy Fail added “I saw the same piece on BBC website. Was mystified, so I checked out the situation. You have many followers and owe it to them to check the facts before you tweet”.

But recanting came there none, with James Doleman left to remind us “Darren proving again that the High Court was correct to acquit him of electoral fraud because he was to stupid to know what he was doing (That was the actual verdict)”. But then Dazza sprang back into action. Would there be an apology? You jest.

“To all of those shouting ‘IT’S ITV!’. Here’s the BBC: ‘The programme, made famous in the mid-1980s, is due to be recreated by the BBC and ITV for their Britbox streaming service.’” So not the BBC’s call. Mikey Smith of the Mirror was on hand to explain once more.

“It’s made by Avalon, an independent production company. It’s been ordered by Britbox, which is a co-venture of ITV and the BBC. It’s neither a BBC nor ITV production. And it has nothing to with the licence fee … Most people have the good grace to admit when they’re wrong”. But Darren Grimes is not most people, even if he is wrong.

And he has confirmed that he is a total and absolute wanker. No change there, then.

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