Trump Cures Boris - Or Maybe Not

With alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson moved to an Intensive Care Unit at St Thomas’ Hospital yesterday evening, wishes have come in from politicians, both friend and foe, that he be restored as soon as possible to full fitness. But because his ego is bigger than those all other world leaders combined, Combover Crybaby Donald Trump has gone one better. He has sent people to administer a miracle cure.

Donald, where's yer hairspray?

No matter that it is not in The Donald’s gift to command the Coronavirus to go away - he already tried that in the USA, and now the country is facing spiralling infection and mortality rates - he has stood there at the White House podium and told his audience the most appallingly shamefaced pack of lies about his part in Johnson’s recovery.

Here’s what he said. “I’ve asked two of the leading companies, these are brilliant companies, ebola, AIDS, others, they’ve come with the solutions and just have done incredible jobs and I’ve asked them to contact London immediately. They have offices in London, major companies, but more than major, more than size, they’re genius”.

The names of these companies? We don’t get to find out, but “I’ve had a talk with four of them today [but he said there were only two!], and they speak a language most people don’t even understand [?] but I understand something, that they’ve really advanced, therapeutics, therapeutically, and they have arrived in London already”. Do go on.

“Their London office has whatever they need and we’ll see if we can be of help. We’ve contacted all of Boris’s doctors [no they haven’t] and we’ll see what is going to take place, but they are ready to go. But when you get brought into intensive care, that gets very, very serious with this particular disease. So the two companies are there”. He’s not finished.

“And with what they are talking about, and it’s rather complex, and has had really incredible results [so why isn’t this miracle technology being deployed across the USA?]. We’re working with the FDA and everybody else but we are working with London with respect to Boris Johnson”. And there you have proper, steaming bullpucky.

As Aaron Rupar of Vox put it, “Trump begins the April 6 [Trump Press Briefing] by announcing he's dispatched ‘two of the leading companies, these are brilliant companies’ to go to the UK and help treat Boris Johnson - but he never bothers mentioning their names”. Alan Strange from Sky News had one more detail.

“President Trump says he’s offered a ‘complex set of treatments’ to Boris Johnson, and says 3 people from drug companies are at his London hospital with ‘everything with them should it be needed’”. So now it’s three people. Or two companies. Or something.

And after Jim Acosta of CNN relayed Trump’s dubious claim, James Willby responded “What a silly lie. Johnson is in an ICU bed under the care of NHS staff. The chance that they spoke to Trump, when they're rushed off their feet caring for him and other COVID19 patients is basically zero”. You think having Dominic Raab in charge, and his next in line Rishi Sunak and Priti Patel, is bad, just look across the North Atlantic.

Trump is the liar to top all other liars. That’s why his country is in deep shit right now.

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