Sarah Vine - Early Wine?

The late evening Twitter excursions of Daily Mail pundit Sarah “Vain” Vine, also known on occasion as Mrs Michael “Oiky” Gove, were for a time the stuff of legend, so much so that Private Eye magazine once captioned a blurred image of her face “Absolutely pixellated”. The nature of her late evening Twitter tirades, allied to the openness with which she discussed her consumption of white wine, led to one obvious conclusion.

If in doubt ...

... don't go there

Now, it seems that Wine O’Clock may have been occurring earlier in the evening Chez Vine, after a series of supremely intemperate rants informing everyone out there that only alleged Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, and of course Ms Vine’s husband, really understand the seriousness of the Coronavirus crisis.

There have been the usual snarky Daily Mail-esque interventions, of course, not least her response to “Gal Gadot, Jamie Dornan, Natalie Portman, Zoe Kravitz, Sia, Lynda Carter, Amy Adams, Mark Ruffalo, Ashley Benson and lot[s] of famous [faces] singing ‘Imagine’ [at] this critical times” with “How is this meant to improve things?” Bah humbug!

And she was right in tune with the inmates of the Northcliffe House bunker as she sneered “My main worry about school closures is that kids will get bored and join [Extinction Rebellion] in stupid stunts, this wasting even more of our frontline services’ precious time”.

But then the mood darkened, and she became defensive: “So much bollocks being talked by so-called protagonists in the BBC2 documentary [Taking Control]: Losers and self publicists twisting the truth for personal gain”. That one timed at 2130 hours. But yeah, it was just a little lying, dog-whistling and lawbreaking, so what’s the problem?

And by 1840 hours yesterday, well, it wasn’t going well. “To all those sniping at a government trying to cope with one of the fastest-moving national emergencies in a generation: you haven't got a fucking clue. Not an iota. Either come up with something constructive, or zip it. Ideally the latter. FFS”. Then it got worse.

“To all the people shouting all week 'WHY HASN'T BORIS CLOSED THE PUBS?' has it occurred to you that maybe they wanted to announce this package first to avoid mass firings? But yeah, [Boris Johnson] is a fool. I repeat: you haven't a fucking clue”. As the BBC announcer might have put it, very strong language from the start.

By 1936 hours, she was back. Only louder than before. “Also, please stop plating [?] [Rishi Sunak] against [Boris Johnson]. This is a massive team effort, something some people don't seem to be able to get their heads around”. Massive clusterfuck, more like. Bozo hasn’t got a Scooby Doo, and Sunak still hasn’t figured out the self-employed.

Nine minutes after that, she was liking even her party’s bitterest enemies, which some might take as a sign of over-indulgence. “One more thing: [Nicola Sturgeon] and [Sadiq Khan] have been incredibly helpful and collaborative. People really are pulling together. So stop trashing everything”. She really, really loves them both.

It’s easy to laugh at what looks suspiciously like Sarah Vine having an Early Wine Moment. But it’s also a serious reminder of just how under strain and totally clueless her pals in the Cabinet are right now. But it’s the Government she wanted. She can have no complaints.

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