Frances Barber’s London Bridge Meltdown

Yesterday afternoon, a lone terrorist carried out a knife attack inside and outside London’s Fishmongers’ Hall, and then on London Bridge. Two people were fatally stabbed before the Met arrived and shot the attacker dead. Three others were injured. The suspect had a past criminal record that included a terrorist conviction.

Frances Barber

As the BBC has reported, “The actions of the public have been widely praised, including by Prime Minister Boris Johnson, Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn and Ms [Cressida] Dick [the Met Commissioner], who said they had shown ‘extreme courage’”. What set the attacker off is not yet known. But for one minor thesp, the conclusion was clear.

Late in the evening, as so often before, Frances Barber began the kind of rant that will satisfy even the most discerning rant connoisseur. “People died.  Innocent men & women going to work were stabbed by a terrorist. Jeremy Corbyn is on their side. I fucking hate him”. Wasn’t this a bit of a logic leap? “How fabulous! I leapt he’s a total shithead”.

And she was only getting warmed up. It was pointed out to her that she may have been influenced by a fake Corbyn Tweet that had been circulating following the attack, but Ms Barber was having none of it. “No Interest in that. He’s a vile terrorist sympathizer”. How very Stateside of her. In the meantime, another Tweeter suggest she get help, which triggered the paranoia. "Everyone can see what’s happening. Bastardi sent you”.

In Frances Barber’s world, Aaron Bastani is behind all sorts of evil goings-on, when in reality, he sends no-one. And especially not after her. But back to the fake Tweet. “What tweet? He’s loved terrorists all his god damn life”. Then after a pause, she addressed the fake Tweet again. “You are telling me it was a fake tweet. I didn’t even see it. I know he’s a vile anti British nasty communist”. What’s a little defamation between Tweets, eh?

Having ranted about Jezza, she now transferred her ire to Bastani, because, oh I dunno, it was getting late. “Bastardi has released his demons . Nasty upsetting. Who needs it. But I’m ok”. There was another short pause before she replied to herself. “This is the way politics is conducted now? Pillory the enemy. Hateful . It’s why after 40 years I left this poison”. What is she on about? Who knows? And, indeed, who cares?

By this time, some on social media were concerned about her wellbeing. So one of them asked if there was someone Ms Barber could call. “Kate thinks I’m mentally ill because I don’t adore Corbyn. Hahahaha” she snapped. Interesting way of thanking someone. Ian Fraser concluded that she was “just deranged”. So he got the treatment too. “I used to think Ian Fraser was a journeyman. I now know he us [sic]”.

Having dismissed concerns about her, it was back to one last not very glorious attack on, you guessed it, Aaron Bastani. “Asshole Bastardi has sent all you little ants. Honestly guys it’s too tragic”. Would she consider moving away from the keyboard, given it was past midnight? As if you need to ask. “Bastardi is now so desperate he is pretending fake worrying about The Grand Masters life. Oh my days”.

Frances Barber would blame Corbyn and Bastani if her train was late. Sad, really.

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