Tommy Robinson’s Milkshake REALITY

After Wednesday’s trip to Bury, where Stephen Yaxley Lennon, who styles himself Tommy Robinson, found his campaign to be elected to the European Parliament developing not necessarily to his advantage, he and his team of heavies moved on to Warrington, where they discovered that the accuracy of milkshake throwing improves at close range, and that voters are not impressed by his team indulging in gratuitous violence.

As the Tweeter known as Haze has told, Lennon claimed he would be at the Old Market Place between 1200 and 1800 hours. He was late. Eventually The Great Man turned up outside Cash Generators (no comment). Someone turned up with a speaker blaring techno out which drowned out Lennon’s efforts. He then started moving around the town centre with his entourage, thus putting Golden Square Mall on lockdown.

It wasn’t going too well, was it? It got worse: Lennon’s pals - amateur comedy kidnapper Daniel Thomas has been identified as the one who kicked off first - attacked passers-by. Two required hospital treatment. A woman who was beaten by Lennon’s thugs was then subjected to a vicious barrage of hate on Facebook by Lennon’s “supporters".

Enter Danny Mahmud, who lives in Blackburn, but like so many young people nowadays, has to travel every day to find work. Yesterday he had been working in Warrington, and was on his way to Bank Quay Station when he found Lennon and his pals, along with a few unimpressed voters, barring his way. He tried to get around this obstruction, but in the process found himself face to face with The Great Man.

Mahmud clearly didn’t want to talk to Lennon. But The Great Tommy wouldn’t leave him alone. So he listened, and was even more unimpressed. Lennon wouldn’t leave it. But Danny Mahmud had one weapon in his arsenal: a milkshake. And at such short range, there was only one place the milkshake was going. And so it came to pass.

SPLAT! There it was, all over Lennon’s face, and all over his reassuringly expensive jacket. For his pains, Mahmud was racially abused by Lennon’s goons. But the memes had already started, with one Tweeter advising “Tommy Robinson is at Middleton Shopping Centre tomorrow (3rd May) from 11am. You can make his sphincter twitch by following him around with a milkshake if you have nothing better to do. Please retweet for maximum twitch”. Lennon was up at 0400 hours this morning, so he’ll be late. Again.

NewsThump went one better, with “McDonald’s releases new Tommy Robinson McThuggets with free milkshake”. They’re 100% chicken! Meanwhile, no voters have been convinced, and it is clearly time that the Police removed Daniel Thomas to a more appropriate location - like the local nick - before he assaults someone else.

Beating up women might impress the pond life who idolise Stephen Lennon, but it won’t gain him any votes. There is no point in him carrying on his campaign if all that is going to happen is that his pals use it as an excuse to indulge in gratuitous violence.

Still, there will be plenty of milkshake hurling opportunities. Look on the bright side.

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