Arron Banks Goes Dad’s Army

Still having a little difficulty convincing the world that his donations and loans to the various Leave campaigns were at his own behest, and with his own money, Arron Banks, perhaps not quite “The man who bankrolled Brexit”, has now dug himself into a hole entirely of his own creation as he tries to frighten off his pursuers. To achieve this, he has resorted to a device most memorably used in the legendary BBC comedy show Dad’s Army.

Banksy is trying to convince many of his accusers that, although their names may not be on a list, they are on a tape, and for him that is what matters. It is a tape which, when revealed to the world, will show who the real bad guys are, and he will be vindicated. The problem is that the tape, although talked about, never seems to appear, and soon will have taken on a Godot-like quality, except that the waiting has to end sometime.

Still, needs must, and so Banksy told the world “@ASPolice have passed the complaint to @ThamesVP to investigate where @IsabelOakeshott lives. The will investigate the theft of material belonging to myself and Andy. Including the efforts of journalists to offer inducements to steal recorded on tape”. Don’t they know where she lives? Whatever.

The tape, though, would reveal all: “I’m relaxed about talking to the @washingtonpost about the stolen material. The first source approached , tape recorded job offers & remuneration to steal our material. The @guardian & @Byline_Media have dealt  in stolen data and have continued to hack of recent email accounts”. It’s all on the tape.

“I’m reliably told that the source has recorded on tape , email & text the efforts to encouragement to steal the info. They also used a well known hacker to break into our emails & the details are being handed over to the police”. See? He’s got it taped.

And don’t forget, “@Byline_Media black mail [sic] of a vulnerable person  is a dirty business”. Which means what? “Blackmail of a vulnerable person over his immigration status , the lengths the ‘Remainer media’ will go to discredit Brexit. Seems @IsabelOakeshott’s attic might still yield a surprise or two !”

Plus, Carole Cadwalladr’s name is on the list, sorry, tape: “So @carolecadwalla we have been told by @LordAshcroft & @IsabelOakeshott that Peter jukes threatened her researcher over his immigration status , offered him money and job to steal our material. They have a tape with this information on. Blackmail & theft”. There was more.

“You appear on the tape too for good measure”. Just like Private Pike. And the soggy chips. But all of Banksy’s bullying was to no avail as Ms Cadwalladr cut through the fog of deceit to nail him with another of those difficult questions. “The ‘millionaire’ who gifted upwards of £9 mil to Brexit, can’t afford to live in his own house. Old Down looks lovely, @arron_banks. Such a shame you have to hire it out for events & live in a cottage on the grounds”. Why might that be, Banksy? Multi-millionaire short of readies? Again?

Arron Banks’ tape is a pale imitation of the Dad’s Army list. He loves acting but will never be a patch on Philip Madoc. And he still finds it difficult to answer those questions about money. Like why he’s not got very much, when he’s a multi-millionaire. Allegedly.