Delingpole’s Shag A Dog Story

No roster of that tired and predictable group of rotating talking heads that appear with predictable tedium on every TV politics show is complete without the inclusion of James “saviour of Western civilisation” Delingpole. He has the ideal skill set for the broadcasters: loud, sneering, boorish, intolerant, and possessing the kinds of off-the-political-scale views that only the most intellectually perverse could revel in.

"Gay marriage ... Global warming ... Bird-slicing, bat-chomping eco crucifixes ... Red meat conservatism ... Technological ineptitude ... Seriously dodgy hobbies ... Credibility wipeout"

This suits Del Boy excellently in his chosen line of business: to propagandise for that convocation of the irredeemably batshit otherwise known as Breitbart, and contribute to the contrarian idiocy that is today’s Spectator magazine. But Delingpole also appears to have a problem with understanding technology, the same problem that famously afflicted former Labour MP and shadow minister “Auguste” Balls.

Thus it was that Del Boy took to Twitter and broadcast to his faithful followers “Pictures of dogs having sex”. I shit you not. Did he mean to put that term into a Google search? Probably. Does that make it any better? Probably not. James Trench asked the question that others were not quick enough to ask: “What is with libertarians and dog fucking?” It’s true that Del Boy’s chosen party was less hot on making sex with animals illegal.

Wes Mountain of The Conversation, in the meantime, had a more pressing question on this, er, unusual subject area: “Big on the property rights but not so good on informed consent, huh?” How does one inform a dog? Whatever. Tom Hartman was having none of the negativity, and showed his approval for this investigative angle: “this is exactly the hard-hitting journalism i've come to expect from Breitbart”.

Amy Dentata was not so sure about that, but she was determined to keep the discussion on topic: “You really screwed the pooch on this one”. The Tweeter otherwise known as Joan of Snark went one better, demonstrating an intimate knowledge of the Breitbart combination of idiocy, bigotry and paranoia: “Previous search: ‘cucked by racist Chihuahua’”. That’s the Alt-Right skewered in one go.

But what none of those replying so far had displayed was the entrepreneurial spirit, the sensing of an opportunity to serve an opening market. One enterprising Tweeter was there to plug this gap: “James dm me there's two dogs having sex outside my building right now need $$$”. Another respondent merely wanted to know if Del Boy was about to twang the wire: “You about to have a wank, mate?” He’s certainly a wanker.

Wasn’t there anybody out there with a little sympathy for Delingpole? Perhaps he meant something less, oh I dunno, doggy? The Tweeter otherwise known as Donny Brexit was there to cut him some slack - well, perhaps: “not sure you understand what ‘dogging’ means”. But it was left to Giovanni Torre to say what many had by now already decided: “This is not going to be your Ed Balls moment”. Strictly no Del Boy guest appearance.

The reputation of Breitbart was already at rock bottom. James Delingpole just concreted it in, to make sure nobody would be in any doubt. What a total meathead.