Simon Danczuk’s Half Cut Marathon

When the perpetually thirsty Paul Staines and his rabble at the Guido Fawkes blog went to the aid of their pal Simon Danczuk last month, they knew that Rochdale’s still nominally Labour MP was going to take part in the Rochdale Half Marathon today. What they may not have known is that Spanker Si’s training régime would look reassuringly familiar to them, and not in a way that would promote athletic prowess.

With just two days to go before having to run more than 13 miles, Danczuk finished the working week at his constituency office, and then it was straight down to … er, drinking beer, actually. I kid you not: he went to The Baum - one cannot fault his choice of watering hole, it’s CAMRA’s Greater Manchester pub of the year for 2016 - where he made a start to the weekend not by limbering up, but getting mellow.

“Nice to have a couple of quick pints in the @TheBaumRochdale after work today - great #Rochdale pub” he Tweeted. But it was only an after-work pint, wasn’t it? Sadly for anyone who sponsored him, no it wasn’t: from there he was off into central Manchester to another regular haunt, the Lowry Hotel, where he attended the Manchester Evening News Diary Party. Here he went from Mellow to Elephant’s Trunk And Mozart.

“Great night at the MEN #DiaryParty & lovely to catch up with friends” he told his Twitter followers. Those who looked at the young brunette woman featuring in two of the photos may also have allowed themselves a knowing stroke of the chin, and rightly so: as it was a media bash, there was a snapper on the door, who caught the two of them leaving. So once again Danczuk has ended up in the Super Soaraway Currant Bun.

“LABOUR MP Simon Danczuk has been spotted leaving a posh hotel with a mystery woman -who looks just like a younger version of his estranged wife Karen … The 49-year-old was spotted leaving the Lowry Hotel in Manchester last night with the woman, who he appeared to be close to, even holding her high heels for her at one point” screamed the Murdoch doggies in mock horror. And there was more.

“A source claims that the pair had tried to leave the hotel separately … It’s the same hotel where back in July the suspended MP had sex with another 22-year-old woman he met on Twitter just days before”. That, and the six photos, tells readers that they think she was his legover for the night - provided, of course, that he wasn’t too pissed.

So yesterday, with the Half Marathon imminent, it had to be off the sauce and down to training. Or rather it wasn’t: Spanker Si was out on another session, this time in The Oxford. “Popped in The Oxford #Rochdale last night for couple of pints with @StevieDawson & @TeamMcNeeney's food looked great. Must eat there!” he Tweeted later, not telling that the “couple of pints” turned out to be a number significantly greater than two. My information is that Danczuk went through eight pints during the evening.

That’s the kind of training régime that The Great Guido would have recognised. What effect it has on Danczuk’s ability to do a 13 mile run we will soon find out.