Sarah Vine Almost Returns

After her disappearance from the pages of the Daily Mail following the events of the Tory leadership contest - a campaign which developed not necessarily to her advantage - all eyes were on Sarah Vine, aka Mrs Michael “Oiky” Gove, to see not only whether she would return to the ranks of the Mail’s unappealing bevy of Glendas, but whether she would be mentioning the campaign - and her central role in it.

There was also the “leaked” email from Ms Vine, thought to be to “Oiky” himself, talking of the endorsement not only of Rupert Murdoch, for whom both of them have worked in the past, but also that of the legendarily foul mouthed Paul Dacre, the Mail’s less than benevolent editor who is rumoured to have been outraged at his name being taken in vain, or even Vine. Yesterday the column returned. So what could be gleaned?

The answer is, not very much. The sum total of reference to the Tory leadership bid which left “Oiky” in third place on the ballot of MPs, and ultimately on the back benches, was “Brexit. A new PM. Turkey. What an extraordinary few weeks it’s been. It’s not often I quote Lenin, but no one else puts it so succinctly: ‘There are decades when nothing happens - and there are weeks when decades happen’”. And that was that.

Such has been the clear displeasure of the Vagina Monologue that Ms Vine’s choice of subjects has been abruptly constrained. Politics is effectively off limits, and so much as mentioning editors and proprietors by name is Streng Verboten. The order has been handed down for her to toe the approved line, and stick to the approved talking points. So what has she had to say on those? Enough to reveal a lack of research, that’s what.

“I got married in France, with the Vicar of Nice presiding —and spent much of my teens and 20s on that promenade. So the Bastille Day massacre shook me to the core.

What’s striking is that the killer, Mohamed Lahouaiej Bouhiel, 31, had a similar back-story to Omar Mateen, the 29-year-old who killed 49 people at a gay nightclub in Orlando in June” she tells, initially keeping it below the wacko threshold.

And Ms Vine develops her theme with “Both had troubled childhoods and a history of violent behaviour. Both drank and took drugs and both were sexually promiscuous … So while the authorities obviously need to find better ways of protecting the innocent from such acts of carnage, it’s also clear there are complex issues at work here”. But the Mail’s talking points dictate that there must be only one conclusion.

“The awful truth is that, in its most radical form, Islam feeds on the sad, the mad and the dispossessed … And thanks to the unstoppable reach of the internet, the disturbed young men being radicalised are no longer in far-flung places, but right here, in our midst”. Oh just f*** off. The Bastille Day attacker wasn’t even moderately religious. That is utterly lame. But it tells you all you need to know about Sarah Vine’s status at the Mail.

That status is to churn out the prejudicial drivel to order, no questions asked, and no more deviation from those orders. The end cannot be far away. What a deserving recipient of the sack, when it comes.