Michael Gove - No, No, No, No, No

After yesterday’s defenestration by Michael “Oiky” Gove of London’s formerly very occasional Mayor Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, the prospect of Gove becoming the next occupant of 10 Downing Street became the subject of serious discussion. Pundits talked of him as a credible prospect. They should all have known better. Michael Gove should never be allowed near the levers of power.

Why that should be is not hard to see: Gove may have been good at stabbing his Vote Leave co-conspirator in the back, but on every other criterion he does not measure up to the job specification. He would not be his own man, in hock to the press, his cadre of advisors, and his appalling wife Sarah Vine. The charge sheet makes grim reading.

Gove was incompetent as a front rank minister. His time as Education Secretary was a disaster: although incessantly talked up by his pals in the right-leaning press, the DfE spent most of his tenure being terrorised by Gove’s polecats Dominic Cummings and Henry de Zoete, and the money sprayed up the wall on the Free Schools programme (from which there have been several failures) reached eye-watering proportions.

Gove was incompetent as Chief Whip. His spell heading the Whip’s Office reached its ultimate ignominy when his plot with William ‘Ague to deal a blow to the authority of Commons Speaker John Bercow failed spectacularly.

Gove is in Rupert Murdoch’s pocket. It’s bad enough having an interfering foreigner sticking his bugle into this country’s business, but the level of control by Don Rupioni and his fellow Mafiosi would be that much more direct with Gove, who was, and may well be again, a Murdoch journalist.

Gove is in his wife’s pocket. Sarah Vine was revealed the other day to be the real power behind the Gove throne, an authentic Lady Macbeth figure. She was also a Murdoch journalist, and like her husband, may well be again, especially now that her current beth, the Daily Mail, has endorsed not Gove, but Home Secretary Theresa May.

Gove and his wife are in it only for themselves. “Oiky” and Ms Vine are the epitome of grasping, selfish and uncaring social climbers, capable of warmth and empathy with their close friends, but otherwise not giving a rat’s arse about the little people. For them, wrenching Britain out of the EU is just another game. What will Brexit do to the country, and the union with Scotland? They don’t care. They won’t be affected.

Gove’s advisor Dominic Cummings is a psycho. If only one reason could be cited for preventing Gove from entering Downing Street, it is the presence of Cummings. This man is a wacko. He is psychologically unstable. He was, by all accounts, too much even for Bozza, whose refusal to have Cummings on board contributed to Gove’s decision to go it alone. Cummings is not just Barking, he has overshot the buffer stops at Upminster.

Gove has abused Royal protocol. The Sun’s “QUEEN BACKS BREXIT” story can have had only one source, and that source was Gove. What the monarch says in the company of her Privy Counsellors should remain confidential. It did not when Gove saw an opportunity to use it for political advantage. The Royal Family know that they cannot trust him. For the Queen not to be able to trust her Prime Minister to maintain her confidence makes a Gove premiership a non-starter.

Gove cannot do his sums. This is the MP who appeared before a Commons committee and suggested that all schools could be better than average. That he persuaded Bozza to promise him the keys to 11 Downing Street should induce a shudder in any student of economics (Bozza also promised him the role of chief Brexit negotiator - and Gove could not negotiate his way out of a paper bag).

But, above all, Gove is not credible. He is not known as “Oiky” for nothing. To have to sit through a speech by Gove is rather like the prospect of being regaled by Elmer Fudd. He would make the role of Prime Minister a laughing stock - quite apart from being highly susceptible to allowing others to influence his decisions.

Michael Gove is unfit to be Prime Minister. Or indeed any other minister. End of story.