Boris - EU Pants Are On Fire

Today was the turn of the former very occasional Mayor of London Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson to appear before the inquisition of the host on The Andy Marr Show (tm) and put his arguments in favour of Britain leaving the EU. He did not do a great deal better than all the other Outers, except at passing off dishonesty as some kind of new and exciting art form, give or take the odd “Yikes” and “Crikey”.

An absolute Muppet. And Elmo from Sesame Street

But, as with so many of Bozza’s interviews, his campaign developed not necessarily to his advantage, not least because he had been preceded in the hot seat by former PM “Shagger” Major, who had passed severely adverse comment on the notion that the EU is somehow “Undemocratic”, pointing out that it was nothing of the sort. But credit to Bozza, he brought up the question of the “£350 million a week” EU contribution claim.

“You heard earlier on how that 350 million figure is fictitious … Not true. Look at it” he began, before tripping himself up of his own volition: “Imagine I give you - I take out my wallet, which I don’t actually happen to have on me unfortunately but gave you - if I had £350 pounds, I gave you £350 … next year you gave me back 60 or so then you decided that you were going to spend some of it on my behalf …”.

By this point, once the fog of Bozza waffle had been decoded, he had effectively agreed that we do not pay over £350 million a week to the EU. “But you haven’t lost 350 pounds at that point” replied Marr. What did Bozza have to say about that? “Most people would say, and they’d be absolutely right, that we have lost control of that 350 million. And it’s totally wrong, totally wrong”. I think he did indeed go totally wrong.

It got worse on the question of Turkey joining the EU. “Can I just show you this poster … Again I’m sorry I’m showing you Vote Leave posters all the time now. Turkey is joining the EU. Is that true?” ventured Marr. Bozza said it was the Government’s position. His inquisitor tried again. “‘Turkey is joining the EU’ is not true, is it?”. Bozza waffled.

Marr tried again. “Let’s talk about two months ago when you said there was no prospect really of Turkey joining the EU, you said it was between zero and 20 percent or less than that. No prospects, not on the cards at all. And now you’re responsible for this poster that goes up saying Turkey is joining the EU. That is a flat lie”. Still Bozza waffled.

And for a third time Marr pressed him: “Do you regret that poster? It is hogwash isn’t it? It’s an inverted column of piffle whatever the phrase is” [actually “Pyramid”, Andrew]. Bozza said it was Government policy (again), to which Marr concluded “if the poster said, it is government policy that Turkey at some stage should join the EU that would be a truth. ‘Turkey is joining the EU’ is not true”. Oo-er readers! Cripes! Beano Boris busted!

But Bozza did know that “This is money we cannot control and a lot of it frankly you fritter and you spend some of my money on supporting Iberian bullfighting which is not what I want you to do”. Sorry, that won’t do. Fire extinguisher for Mr Johnson!