Captain Bellend - Political Analyst

Some pundits are desperate for attention. Some newspapers are desperate for pundits. And today, the mutual desperation has meant that Sun readers have been subjected to the alleged wisdom of the loathsome Toby Young, whom they fraudulently describe as a “political analyst”. Anyone with brain plugged in knows that Tobes couldn't politically analyse an act of alcoholic derangement in an EU wine lake.

More grown-up journalism from Tobes. Or maybe not

Still, cometh the hour, cometh the purveyor of EU-bashing rent-a-quote drivel, as The Great Man tells “Teresa May is the only one with the balls to lead the Out campaign”, following that not-really-a-gem with “LAST week, David Cameron unveiled the weakest set of concessions a British Prime Minister has managed to extract from a European leader since Chamberlain returned from Munich in 1938”.

One hates to have to digress in order to impart a little remedial history teaching, but hey ho. In 1938, Britain, despite some moves to re-arm, was not ready for war. Moreover, the people were still weary from the last conflict, which had been billed as “The war to end all wars”. The advantage that the Third Reich had was that it wanted to fight; the rest of Europe did not. Chamberlain at least bought us time.

Hell, even when we had to draw the line and declare war, we were not ready, or perhaps Tobes has forgotten what happened to the British Expeditionary Force, culminating in the evacuation from Dunkirk? But predictable to see that Captain Bellend is happy to make the simplistic comparison between the EU and Nazi Germany. And the rest of the article is signally lame. Take “Cameron’s list of demands included abolishing the working time directive”, for a start. That might be news to the PM.

This is what George Eaton said in the Staggers last October: Jeremy Corbyn “challenged Cameron to rule out withdrawing from or ‘diluting’ the social chapter and the working time directive. Though it is likely that the government will avoid pushing for any significant changes, the PM declined to do so, avoiding any reference to the issue”.

But back to Tobes’ tedium: “where was the senior politician pointing out just what a shoddy deal this is? … At one stage I had hopes for Boris Johnson”. Bozza, by his own admission, had “never been an outer”. Any competent “political analyst” would have figured that out. Not Tobes. But do go on. “What about Michael Gove?” he asks. For Christ’s sake, Tobes, you run one of those Free Schools. He’s your pal. Phone him up. Ask him.

He won’t be doing that, of course, because the conclusion has already been decided: “No, only one senior Cabinet minister has the balls to stand up to David Cameron and that’s Theresa May”. Very good Tobes, that would be the same Theresa May who last Tuesday said of Dave’s handiwork “more work needs to be done, but this is a basis for a deal”. So that’s yet more of that “political analysis” that Tobes hasn’t done.

Toby Young couldn’t politically analyse his way out of a paper bag. This article is lame even by his dismally low standards. But it pays the bills, so that’s all right, then.