So Farewell Then The Danczuks

All good things, so it is said, come to an end, and in the case of nominally Labour MP Simon Danczuk and wife Karen, some less good things also come to an end. Those who read the Sunday Times magazine feature on the couple will not have been surprised to discover that they have split up, pausing only to ensure that the exclusive story is sold to the Super Soaraway Currant Bun. Publicity whores to the end.

Legendary comedy double act to end

Sadly, the Sun’s copy has been lifted by every other online news source that is desperate enough to carry it, and so the story has been swiftly released on the piss-poor Sun Nation site, free to view. Here we learn “ALL BY MY SELFIE: SIMON AND KAREN DANCZUK CONFIRM SPLIT … Sexy snap queen separates from MP hubby”. He is “very sad” and “absolutely devastated”, while she is merely “gutted”.

There was even the obligatory “pal” on hand to state the bleedin’ obvious: “They have been having problems for quite a while, things haven’t been easy. He’s heartbroken”, while readers are told “Rochdale MP Mr Danczuk, who has two children from a previous marriage, said there was no one else involved”. Well, quite: who the hell would want to get involved in the rolling car crash that was the Danczuks?

Rochdale News hinted at the reasons behind the split: “Their marriage has long been reputed to be 'volatile' and on Friday Mr Danczuk posted a tweet saying he was researching 'Narcissistic Personality Disorder', which many took to be aimed at his wife. The Danczuk's relationship was put under the microscope in a Sunday Times feature just two weeks ago, which described their family life as ‘chaotic’”.

Freely translated into plain English, all the media exposure has just made things a hell of a lot worse. But one should feel little sympathy for this grotesque pairing: they both wanted More And Bigger Publicity Opportunities For The Benefit Of Themselves Personally Now. This they achieved. When the Sun’s Stig Abell muses “sad news about Simon and Karen Danczuk's marriage”, he knows there will be less of them. Thank Christ.

Yes, less of what Camilla Long described as “a tide of sportswear and nipples”. Less of the Spanish poolsides where there just happens to be a snapper and another Sun exclusive. Less free publicity for another of what Robin Day memorably, and rightly, called “here today and gone tomorrow politicians”. And, instead, more everyday reality: Karen Danczuk is in deep financial doo-doo, kept afloat only by her honking great chest.

Simon Danczuk Tweeted at the weekend “My 5yr old said to me yesterday: 'What are you going to be when you grow up?' Not sure the point he was trying to make!!” Both he and his now estranged wife could do with taking the hint and growing up. There are limits to turning your lives into media circuses, and this pair had long ago gone beyond them. It is only sad that so many people gave them a veneer of undeserved credibility.

Still, you’d have to have a heart of stone not to laugh, eh?