Danczuk Interview Car Crash

As if to prove that the Sunday Times can still do real journalism, Camilla Long has produced a mostly matter-of-fact article for the paper’s magazine telling of her encounter with nominally Labour MP Simon Danczuk and his blatantly self-promoting wife Karen. Ms Long allows herself an occasional flourish or bon mot, but otherwise she tells as she finds. And what is clear from the Danczuks’ reaction is that they did not have copy approval.

Behold the representatives of Themselves Personally Now

That is quite normal: I was not in a position to influence what the Guardian’s Frances Perraudin wrote about me for her feature back in March. One should not fear honest journalism. The Danczuks do not seem to have understood this. The result has been a combination of hilariously grotesque revelation and the impression of the subjects of the article wanting, and failing, to get this particular genie back into its bottle.

It is not difficult to see why: Ms Long tells readers of Karen Danczuk “the 32-year-old has recently been selling prints of the signed and ‘scented’ selfies for £10 each on eBay, apparently putting the proceeds towards a white Range Rover … The 4x4 dwarfs their modest bungalow, a hulking reminder that the loidy of the house is ‘famous for her breast pictures … Inside, Parliament’s queen of selfies twirls vacantly and takes pictures with her two sons … I have never met a family so chaotic”.

Does Ms Long have an example of this chaos? You betcha, says Sarah: “During the interview she cries and then Simon cries, both swear and loudly slag other people off and everyone behaves as if this is a perfectly normal Sunday morning”. There’s more.

“Simon’s otherwise successful career as an MP is in danger of being drowned by a tide of sportswear and nipples. He even suffered his own porn shame when his phone - he claims accidentally - started favouring explicit material on Twitter a few months ago (he blamed a faulty phone charger)”. A big phone charger did it and ran away, eh? Oh just f*** off.

It gets worse: “Neither of them is afraid to admit that they like making and spending money. People should listen to businessmen ‘because they’re successful’, shrugs Simon … No one should listen to Russell Brand - a ‘disgrace’ and a ‘pillock’ says Simon - who performed a misguided interview with Miliband, ‘And then they roll out that bloody whatsisname … who is it?’ He means Eddie Izzard. ‘I don’t really know who Eddie Izzard is’, says Karen … no one in Rochdale does”.

Yes, people should listen to businessmen who are successful, but not if they’re called Russell Brand or Eddie Izzard. The interview so embarrassed Simon Danczuk that he deleted the two Tweets he sent out advertising it. His wife claimed it was only “40% accurate” and that Ms Long looked up her dress to see the colour of her underwear.

But one question about the couple can be answered quite emphatically: the ST Magazine has said “The Danczuks are hilarious - she does boobs, he does books. Could they be the Arthur Miller and Marilyn Monroe of Rochdale?”

That’ll be QTWTAIN, then. A couple who deserve one another, to be left well alone.