Sun Wants To Decide Labour Leader

After Young Dave and his jolly good chaps emerged victorious from last week’s General Election, one might have thought that Rupe’s downmarket troops at the Super Soaraway Currant Bun would not be too fussed about what was happening at the Labour Party. But that thought would have been misplaced, as the assembled hacks have decided to stick their collective bugle into the race to succeed Mil The Younger.

That's what I think of youse bladdy suggestion that I don't have a bladdy vote in the bladdy Labour leadership election, ya bladdy Pommie drongo!

And in doing so, they let slip the kinds of attack lines that they intend to use against some of those who have already declared that they will run for the leadership. The Murdoch faithful have decided that the two front runners - or, rather, the two they are most scared of - are Andy Burnham and Chuka Umunna. So both are given the full sneering dismissal today, with Burnham being declared the Unions’ poodle.

Would he secure Trades Union backing? And, even if Union leaders were to back him, what difference would it make, given there are no longer any block votes? Ah, but that thought is not allowed to enter. All that the Sun wants you to know is “Burnham is well-liked by Labour’s trade-union backers - who he has spent a lot of time wooing - so he would be a safe bet for their backing”. That’s the first attack line, right there.

Andy Burnham - Union smears already

Sadly, the paper’s research is, not to put too fine a point on it, crap: the Sun claims “he also recently increased his majority from 2,085 to 14,096”, but Burnham’s majority in his Leigh seat has never fallen below 12,000. What the Sun does not say is that it, and the Mail, will, with the certainty of night following day, use Burnham’s short period as Health Secretary as a way of trying to pin the Mid Staffs problems on him.

What, then, of Chuka? Here, the Sun has clearly decided that Umunna is, on balance, more likely to get the job, but they can’t pin Trade Union backing, or anything from the Blair and Brown years, on him. Thus they dispense with talking about boring things like policy and, er, whine about what he wears on his wrist. Shock horror - Chuka has more than one wristwatch! What’s the world coming to?

Chuka Umunna - not allowed a choice of watches

You think I jest? Here comes the finely crafted drivel: “The Streatham MP’s impressive collection of over-sized watches are stuff of Westminster legend, and a must-have accessory for anyone Chuk-ing their hat into the ring … For the full Chuka look: when the cameras are on you, make sure you pull your sleeve up just an inch and be careful to place your wrist so your watchface is looking right down the lens”.

Families needing to make ends meet? Crime? Transport? Europe? Immigration? Income inequality? Future of the NHS? Taxation? Promoting small businesses? Greening the environment? Local services? You can forget the Sun discussing Chuka Umunna’s views on any of these - it’s all about his watches. Oh, and he may have had some bespoke suits made, which is fine for Tory MPs, but magically becomes wrong for Labour.

The Sun doesn’t care who leads Labour, so long as they can smear and kick them.