Dan Hodges Has Joined The Tories

Of all the sad farewells in politics, few have been sadder than Dan Hodges, formerly the Colonel Nicholson of the Labour Party, and his four and a half year mardy strop at seeing Mil The Younger become leader, make a number of significant right calls, and not be deposed, as Hodges then flounced out of the party and nobody noticed. Moreover, nobody cared. It was a lonely and pathetic sight.

But someone at the Telegraph is prepared to pay him in money for the bitter and whining rantings, so on they go, arriving today at a fantasy land where the empty chairing of Young Dave, following his decision not to turn up for the TV debates, is claimed to favour Nigel “Thirsty” Farage, as well as Cameron. But, as Captain Blackadder might have observed, there was only one thing wrong with this idea - it was bollocks.

“Let’s think this one through for a second, because Miliband and Clegg clearly haven’t. What if the broadcasters call Cameron’s bluff?” asks Dan, then declares that when Cameron is empty chaired, “At that point, Clegg and Miliband are boxed in. First there’d be a lot of hoo-ha about Cameron being frit, and then attention would switch to Natalie Bennett … Are they really going to exclude the only female leader? Yep. They are”.

Sadly, this too is pure and applied drivel: Miliband has said repeatedly that he is fine with Ms Bennett being there, so long as the broadcasters invite her. But Hodges doesn’t listen to anything Miliband says, he just gobs off about him. So when he then envisages a debate with Miliband, Corporal Clegg and Mr Thirsty, he forgets that Ms Bennett would be there too. All his scenarios covering this debate are therefore null and void.

Consider the format already put forward: firstly, Cameron (subject to attendance), Miliband, Clegg and Farage, second, Cameron, Miliband and Clegg, then third, Cameron and Miliband. If Ms Bennett is to be included, it would be in the first debate, and the idea that Farage would, by definition, win his one opportunity - and there would only be the one - is highly speculative, especially given his Fox News performance.

Yes, Dan, you forgot that Mr Thirsty just put in a performance of unreconstructed racist bigotry - as well as being appallingly unpatriotic in his running down of Britain. The idea that Miliband would give the SOB a free pass will not wash. Farage will have his hands full with explaining his way out of what he said to Sean Hannity, and which is freely available. It will, right now, be making grim viewing for his spin team.

Then we come to Cameron’s likely absence. Hodges claims that Dave will just get on with his electioneering. Like heck he will. The taunts of “chicken” will follow him everywhere, as will his words from 2010 saying how jolly wonderful these leaders’ debates are, and how they will become a feature of every General Election in the future. And Hodges must have forgotten all the stick Pa Broon got when he didn’t call an election in 2007.

The only conclusion must be that Hodges has joined the Tories. The suspicion was there after he embraced Lynton Crosby two and a half years ago. This drivel just confirmed it.