Sarah Vain And Bitter With It

Summoned by the legendarily foul mouthed Paul Dacre to contribute something in addition to her usual Wednesday Me-Me-Me-fest, Sarah Vine, better known as the woman married to Michael “Oiky” Gove, has decided to pass severely adverse comment on Rolling Stones front man Mick Jagger, for the heinous crime of enjoying a relationship with a member of the opposite sex.

You wouldn't be jealous of her, then, Sarah?

“So crass and disrespectful: SARAH VINE on THOSE balcony pictures of Mick Jagger and mystery brunette... and how rock legend, 70, is too old for such behaviour” thunders the headline, borrowing the Sun’s tradition of using CAPITAL letters to tell READERS that some words are VERY IMPORTANT and they should therefore PAY ATTENTION because IT’S WRITTEN, THAT’S WHY.

What, then, has Mick done to upset Mrs “Oiky”? “It is just 11 weeks since [l’Wren] Scott was found hanged in her New York apartment ... at the time of her death he seemed utterly distraught ... He’s clearly a man who gets over  things quickly ... Even if, as friends say, sex is a coping mechanism for Jagger ... there is no justification for parading his young ‘therapists’ half-naked in public”.

There was a lot more, but hey, some of us have lives, Sarah. And, as Jon Stewart might have said, two things here. One, there is no set time during which men, or women, have to mourn a lost partner – other, of course, than that dreamed up by the bitter and righteous at the Daily Mail. And two, Jagger was parading nothing in public – the photo was taken with a long lens. That, Sarah, is called intrusion.

But Ms Vine has the inside track on Jagger: “anyone who has ever seen Sir Mick in action should not be surprised at his behaviour ... I once sat at a table in a restaurant and watched him”. Hello, the déjà vu klaxon just went off. I wonder why that might be ... yes, we’ve been here before, only the last man she observed in a restaurant – these blokes get everywhere, eh? – was Hugh Grant.

Only that time she got to sit next to him (my commiserations, Hugh): “He is funny, quick-witted and incredibly charming. Even when talking to an old boiler like me, he has a way of making a woman feel like the most beautiful creature on the planet. As a friend of mine once put it: ‘That man can fell a pair of knickers at 100 paces’”. Bugger all use unless you’re actually there, mind.

Why can't they cope with a little press intrusion, I mean, what's their problem? Er, hang on a minute ...

And what this is really about, although Ms Vine isn’t about to tell her readers, is to put the boot in to anyone who takes a stand against press misbehaviour and intrusion. Jagger wasn’t happy with his treatment after l’Wren Scott died, and Grant supports Hacked Off. So both get kicked. Meanwhile, the pundit who did the deed is ... whining about press intrusion on Twitter. You really couldn’t make it up.

Sarah Vine is just another unprincipled hypocrite. So no surprise there, then.