Delingpole’s A Wanker

Jerking circles are not thus named for nothing, and to prove it, we have another sneering missive from James “saviour of Western civilisation” Delingpole at Breitbart London, who has seen the Leveson Declaration from all those signing on to the proposition advanced by campaigning group Hacked Off and decided to use it for the advancement of Himself Personally Now.

"Gay Marriage ... Global Warming ... Bien-Pensant ... Bingo! I'm a wanker"

“The Wankerati Speak: ‘Why Can’t Britain’s Press Be More Like Iran’s?’” is the suitably dishonest headline, followed by a quote which Del Boy admits is made up, in which someone with a London accent (awrite, shat eet, leeeave it aht) describes the signatories as “Wankers. Faarsends of them”. Gosh, how incredibly original of Del Boy to make up yet another of those imaginary friends.

Then he tells that “The campaign for greater press regulation in Britain has suffered a devastating, possibly fatal blow with the release to the Guardian of a list of celebrities who are lending their support to the Leveson Royal Charter proposal”. And, as Jon Stewart might have said, two things here. Nobody is advocating greater press regulation, and this is not a press release.

What Del Boy has seen is an advert – that it is paid for by Hacked Off supporters is there in the body text – and the reason it is in the Guardian is because most other papers refuse to carry it. Free speech champion Delingpole is not so keen on free speech when it dissents from his favoured point of view. But light relief is soon at hand as he brings unintentional hilarity to proceedings.

“The list of names [is] a veritable Who's Who of Britain's bien-pensant, chattering-class Wankerati” he sneers, and at once one can visualise Del Boy working his patented “air quotes” and adding “bien-pensant” to “gay marriage”, “global warming” and “eco crucifixes” in that irritating faux-posh tone that says “I’ve suffered for my art, and now it’s your turn”, before delivering his triumphant conclusion.

“It goes, almost without saying, that we here at Breitbart London are of the same view [as the Spectator] a) because this regulation is intrusive, constricting and entirely against the principles of free speech which generations of Englishmen from Milton and Wilkes onwards have fought so hard to establish and b) because unlike the names on the list, we are not a bunch of abject, weapons-grade wankers”.

Two more things: Del Boy clearly hasn’t the faintest idea what is in the Royal Charter he is so ready to slag off, and the message has come through loud and clear. Yes, there is nothing abject about Delingpole: when the first word that comes into his head is “Wanker”, one need enquire no further as to what is clearly on his mind. Only a total tosser would fail to bother doing his homework so spectacularly.

So it’s not the referee, it’s Delingpole. And, yes, he’s a wanker. He says so.