Nigella Smear – It Won’t Work

As if to underscore the point that he is sore as hell at being shown up as a wife-beater, Charles Saatchi has now tried to put the boot in on former partner Nigella Lawson as part of a fraud case being heard at Isleworth Crown Court. An email from Saatchi to Nigella was read out in court, accusing the Domestic Goddess (tm) of regular consumption of a range of legal and illegal drugs.

Not now Nigella, I've only just finished the last lot

Moving right along from the thought that Saatchi was in the advertising business at the time that a lot of people in, er, the advertising business were singing in the key of C on a regular basis (or meeting Charlie, or playing in the snow, or whatever else you care to call it), the conclusion has to be reached that he was the one who gave permission for the email to be read out – and subsequently reported.

So who’s on trial? “Italian sisters Francesca and Elisabetta Grillo are contesting fraud charges in which the two are accused of defrauding Saatchi and Lawson of more than £300,000 while working for the celebrity couple”. And Saatchi apparently “accepted the Grillos' claim that Lawson had allowed them to spend freely on the understanding they would not tell her husband about her drug use”.

And then we are told that he and Nigella needed to communicate via email. “Of course now the Grillos will get off on the basis that you were so off your head on drugs you allowed the sisters to spend whatever they liked … and yes I believe every word they have said”. Does anyone other than me find it strange that they were married and he didn’t know she had a drug habit?

On top of that, we find that the revelations mean Nigella getting potentially grilled by cross-examination, with Saatchi siding with the Grillos against her, having also decided to sue his now ex-wife for a cool half million quid, that being his part of what has been allegedly stolen, plus his legal costs. It looks rather like a calculated and utterly vindictive revenge attempt.

Will it work? No it won’t: even if the Grillos’ story holds up – they didn’t mention drugs until last month – Saatchi cannot excise the impression he has given of being a manipulative and abusive partner. Moreover, the idea that he worked in an industry that blew an awful lot of snow, and somehow didn’t take part, or know how to recognise a participant in the game, is just not credible.

Many will look at Charles Saatchi and conclude that anyone having to put up with such a gold-plated, copper-bottomed, ocean-going shit could be excused resorting to Class A drugs. And gratuitously slagging off a Domestic Goddess (tm) will get him nowhere. He got caught assaulting Nigella. He admitted it to the rozzers. He’s got the caution on his record. End of story.

Give it up, Charlie. You’ll just look a bigger douchebag as a result.