Guido Fawked – Nadine For Speaker!

Tory MP Nigel Evans, who represents the Lancashire constituency of Ribble Valley, has been charged with seven sexual offences after a long day’s questioning yesterday at Preston Police Station. He has decided, until the trial is completed, to resign the party whip and his position as Deputy Speaker of the House of Commons. So a replacement will have to be found.

The usual tradition is that a successor comes from the same side of the House, and so that means a Tory or Lib Dem MP. As Tony Grew has pointed out, any candidate will need to be nominated by six of their colleagues, and a Single Transferable Voting (STV) system is used. Grew has looked at the likely nominees and concluded that there are three front runners.

These, after discounting anyone who has ruled themselves out, appear to be Charles Walker (Broxbourne), Roger Gale (North Thanet), and Brian Binley (Northampton South), all representing the Tories. Walker is said to be the preferred choice of John Bercow. This trio may satisfy the voter choice requirements of many Coalition MPs, and some Labour ones, but not everyone is happy.

So why wants to pitch one or more alternatives? Step forward the perpetually thirsty Paul Staines and his rabble at the Guido Fawkes blog, who have three of their own suggestions, and before I consider these, folks, please don’t laugh: they’re all at the bottom of the credibility pile, and then some. But they are not my choice – I’m just letting you know the thoughts of The Great Guido.

First Fawkes choice is Michael Fabricant. Who was crap on Have I Got News For You, even though he likes to think of himself as the comedy turn. About as credible as having Ant and Dec take over BBC wildlife presentation from David Attenborough. Go on, who’s their second star? Er, Jacob Rees-Mogg, the buffoon who got himself mixed up with a fringe group of bigots recently.

So that’s two prize turkeys for The Great Guido, then. And their third suggestion? Ready for this? Hurry up and get your make-up straight. The Fawkes rabble would like the now vacant Deputy Speaker post to go to ... yes, it’s her again ... Nadine Dorries. What? Give the fragrant Nadine authority over her 650 or so fellow MPs? Bwahahahahahahaha! Get out of here!

That isn’t just stupid. It’s way, way beyond that. It’s totally intercoursing imbecilic. Trust Nadine Dorries to command respect and maintain order? That would be a Tory promotion that not even the massed punditry of the right-wing press would be able to justify, although Simon Heffer would try his best, provided she says something nice about Enoch Powell.

Good to see The Great Guido with head up arse once again. Another fine mess.