Boris Wants To Avoid Tax

Party conference season is upon us once more, with the Lib Dems kicking off the big three gatherings with a visit to Glasgow. And, speaking up for all those Tories who hate being part of a coalition, London’s occasional Mayor Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson has turned his bluster (surely “fire”? – Ed) on Corporal Clegg and his motley platoon in his “chicken feed” generating column today.

“Condescending Lord Clegg, the invincible loser of British politics” scoffs Bozza, explaining by way of sub-heading that “Luckily, there’s every chance the Lib Dems will be out of office after the next election”. Yes, and so will Young Dave and his jolly good chaps, if recent polls are anything to go by. So what has Bozza to tell us about this, other than revealing he’s been watching lots of 70s Pink Panther films?

He has? Ho yus: “Our little yellow friends”, he begins his address, which brings back memories of the kind of dialogue which Peter Sellers might have got away with 35 years ago, but would not do today. He wants to talk about Clegg’s talk yesterday that “there are some causes that his troops regard as sacred – some policies for which they are prepared to ‘die in the trenches’”.

Bozza does love his war metaphors, as do so many politicians who have never had to go near one. And he knows all the Great War locations, as he demonstrates when talking of “an idea for which they are going to take their stand on the Marne and fight to the last drop of Lib Dem blood”. Yes, as opposed to all the stands Bozza took before getting re-elected, only to drop them afterwards.

There weren’t going to be all those fare rises (wrong), he was opposed to hospital cutbacks (or, more recently, not), Tramlink was going to be extended to Crystal Palace (no it wasn’t), there weren’t going to be fire service cuts (oh yes there were), and talk of Police cutbacks was just rotten leftie scaremongering (no it wasn’t). So Bozza has no room to call out the Lib Dems for being policy lite.

Anyhow, what’s his beef with Clegg and Co? Oh, it’s the Mansion Tax, or as Bozza calls it, “a new and draconian tax on housing”. That bad? “Many elderly pensioners would face a colossal annual fine of tens of thousands of pounds – in other words, ruin ... He has failed to take account of the way any such tax would bite disproportionately on London”. But it’s only on homes worth over £2 million.

And, lest one forget, where is it that Bozza lives? Well, he lives in North London, in an area where the average house price is around £600,000. So average folks are not likely to be affected. But the Bozza residence cost its current occupants a cool £2.3 million, and is now worth over £2.6 million. So he’s pleading on behalf of pensioners, while in reality pitching for Himself Personally Now.

After all, that’s the only person who really matters to Bozza. No change there, then.