Boris Admits He Is Like Mugabe

Another Monday, another Maily Telegraph column from London’s occasional Mayor Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, dialled in from wherever he was awaiting luncheon yesterday, and full of the usual self-promotion, sleight of hand, and with the occasional historical reference thrown in, because, as any fule kno, Bozza is the go-to occasional London Mayor when it comes to quoting the Romans.

Bozza is, once again, taking a pop at Mil The Younger, demonstrating that anything Dan Hodges can do, he can do at a far higher price. So while Hodges really does get “chicken feed” for his Miliband moans, Bozza will collect £5,000 for this one, and someone else will have to sub the piece and otherwise knock it into some kind of coherent shape. And, even then, there is a howler at the start.

“It is astounding that people are falling for the opposition leader’s Wonga-like offer” he tells readers. So Wonga equals A Very Bad Thing, does it? Clearly things have changed since December 2010, when Bozza was more than happy – except for the barrage of criticism he faced as a result – to take Wonga’s wonga to sponsor free New Year travel on the Tube and other public transport in the capital.

Still, Bozza has an anecdotal Miliband story about how he and his team at City Hall heroically attempted to secure Government funding to tackle London’s pollution. Yes, if only Ed had been paying attention, brave Bozza would have swung into action and cleaned up the capital’s emissions. The problem here is that he has made bugger all effort to do so in the time since Labour were in power.

So on he goes to energy prices, and here readers are treated to Bozza’s encyclopaedic knowledge of all things Ancient Roman: of Miliband he tells “He says he will imitate the catastrophic policies of the emperor Diocletian”. Well, knock me down with a feather, I never knew they had mains gas and lecky in downtown Herculaneum. You learn something new every day.

“We need new transport infrastructure – and that means a government with boldness and vision, such as the one led by David Cameron” he pleads, managing not to realise that Young Dave has just restated his commitment to HS2, while Bozza is agitating against it. But he really sells the pass when it comes to all those developers and their land banks.

“You won’t get developers risking their cash to build, if they are told they are vulnerable to Mugabe-style expropriations” he protests. You mean like the kind of expropriations outlined last May by, er, You actually, Bozza? So the Tel’s star columnist admits that he is threatening “Mugabe-style expropriations” of developers’ land. Good to see him likening himself to the Zimbabwe leader.

Although the reality is that he couldn’t be bothered to do his homework – again.