And The Circle Jerk Award Goes To ...

Awards ceremonies. They have them for the Oscars. They have them for the Baftas. These are Very Important Media Events. So it has been assumed somewhere along the way that any media outlet that is important has to have an awards ceremony, which in turn will convince any doubters out there that the outlet concerned is just as important as it pretends to be.

Yes, it's really tasteful, too

And so, into this maelstrom of self-justification has come GQ Magazine, which wants everyone to know that it is important, because it has an awards ceremony. You’ve either not heard of it, or couldn’t give the proverbial flying foxtrot? Well, the publicity is clearly aimed at you: you’re missing out, because buying into GQ means you become a part of this sleb-studded affair.

How studded with slebs would that be? Well, Michael Douglas was there! And Noel Gallagher! And Russell Brand! And Nick Grimshaw! And Bobby Charlton! And Piers “Morgan” Moron! And London’s occasional Mayor Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson! And Emma Watson! And Lou Reed! And Charles Moore (Eton and Trinity College Cambridge)!

So all these luminaries rocked up just to show how important GQ is, then? Wow, the publishers must think, this will just show all those who dismiss the mag as some kind of jerking circle for Z-listers! And they had Rita Ora there too! And Jessie J! But hang on a minute, there’s something about all those names in the previous paragraph that hasn’t been mentioned. And it’s a teensy bit important.

All of those slebs were there to receive awards. But, hey, ten awards isn’t such a big deal, is it? Well, were it only about ten awards, maybe not, but there were not just ten awards, but a whopping 23 of them, including “Oracle”, “Inspiration”, “Icon”, “Genius”, and “Legend” (plus a “Most Stylish” award, because, hey, GQ is also about style, isn’t it? Er, who knows? And, indeed, who cares?).

So what did we all miss from not being there, and presumably being square instead? Well, Charles Moore had a snark at Russell Brand, who probably didn’t notice, and if he did, wouldn’t have cared, apart from to ask “Who the f*** is he?” before ordering another bottle of whatever he was on at the time. Otherwise he, and the other slebs, would just treat it as another in the succession of freebies.

The sad reality for GQ and its hangers-on is that most of the population, living as they do in the real world, couldn’t care less about their glossy mag and the lifestyle it is selling. And the more awards ceremonies there are, the less likely that same population is to take any notice. So the slebs move on to the next award, while the glossies continue their circle jerk of self-congratulation.

Still, it’s good news for upmarket budgie cages, so that’s all right, then.