Woolwich - Flannelled Fool Speaks

While some of us were waiting for actual news from the terrible events in Woolwich yesterday, the perpetually thirsty Paul Staines and his chief gofer, the odious flannelled fool Henry Cole, were having none of that. So the Guido Fawkes blog immediately plastered the flashing headline “Woolwich Terror Attack” on any post concerning the affair.

Of course I'm entitled, cos I'm on telly!

This was, of course, in accordance with the dictates of their new masters in the Fourth Estate: a 75 year old Muslim man was brutally hacked to death in Birmingham, Derrick Bird went on a gun rampage in Cumbria, killing 12 people, and the infamous Raoul Moat killed one and wounded two others, including blinding a Police officer, yet despite the terror incited, these were not terror attacks.

But as soon as someone says “Allahu Akbar”, the press is off and running, and so is the Fawkes rabble. Never mind that the locals in Woolwich are talking not about religion or terrorism, but about knife and gun crime, there is an agenda to be pushed. Here, we encounter the clueless self-assurance of the flannelled fool, who was equally sure that Phonehackgate was leftist payback for Damian McBride.

Cole, like his boss, cited the Beeb’s Nick Robinson, and moreover declared him to have his sources “bang on”. That Robinson has, as I noted earlier, since apologised for using “Of Muslim Appearance”, does not enter. He also asserted that what happened in Woolwich was part of a “new threat”, despite not having any evidence to stand that up (no change there, then).

Sunder Katwala, who was of inconvenient thought – well, inconvenient to Cole, at any rate – was dismissed. This was “reality”, after all, that being the reality that, in the words of one of those apparently involved in the killing, “None of you are safe”. It would not have taken more than a moment’s thought to realise that one incident does not make any of us less safe than we were before.

But that would have required Cole to have disengaged brain autopilot for a moment, which he could not possibly have done, especially given the affront caused to Himself Personally Now by the events in Woolwich. We know this because his first words on realising what had happened were “Came out of long lunch and drinks to hear @IainDale. F***ing bastards”.

Yes, the flannelled fool was most upset that reality had intruded on his need to have a peaceful snooze after filling his face and getting himself moderately tipsy in the process. Clearly anyone minded to commit any sort of violent act in or around London should, in future, arrange with this increasingly rotund buffoon not to involve him in any inconvenience, such as work.

Rank selfishness, meet self-entitlement. Another fine mess, once again.