Littlejohn And A Light Grope

For some reason best known to himself, the Daily Mail’s tedious and unfunny churnalist Richard Littlejohn is becoming visibly more anxious by the day over the activities of that part of the Metropolitan Police investigation into a variety of sexual offences which is nicking a succession of slebs from the past, the latest of whom was equally unfunny comedian Jim Davidson.

Light grope, guv? Don't mind if I do, innit?!?

OK, there was a little amusement in the Zelo Street household when it was discovered that the man who brought us the eminently forgettable catchphrase “Nick Nick” had indeed been nick nicked, but otherwise this was just another one on the conveyor belt of has-beens, following on the succession of TV presenters, DJs, and of course the great Cliffus Maximus.

But back to Dick and his latest rant: two women who were at the time in their mid-20s have made complaints about Davidson, which he denies. Littlejohn is quick to caution any rush to judgment, though: “We don’t actually know what he is alleged to have done. Sexual abuse covers a multitude of sins from a little light groping to violent rape”. Is that right, Dicky boy?

Well, had “violent rape” been involved, the rozzers might not have merely had a chat and left him to get on with his life. And what is this “little light groping” of which Littlejohn tells? Should any of those arrested fall into this newly created category, will that mean everything is OK? Sadly, it’s entirely plausible to imagine Dick dismissing complainants in this category as “dopey birds” and say it’s OK.

Meanwhile, there is the usual invention slipped into the narrative masquerading as fact, such as “There are more officers on the Savile inquiry than working on child protection” and “There are now more coppers working on phone-hacking and related issues than investigating murder and armed robbery”, both of which claims are blatantly false. And there are childrens’ bedrooms being searched (again).

You think I jest? “Dozens of journalists have had their homes turned upside  down, including their children’s bedrooms”. Yes, if you’re going to pull a whopper, make sure you’re consistent. But doesn’t Littlejohn have a point about Davidson being nicked at the airport? Well, they couldn’t nick him until he’d crossed the UK border, could they? And where is the UK border in the context of airports?

Yep, it’s the place at the airport arrivals through which anyone arriving from outside the UK has to pass. So it was the obvious place to collect Davidson – or anyone else wanted for questioning. And talking of those outside the UK’s jurisdiction, doesn’t that include one Richard Littlejohn? The one with the pad locked away behind the gates of that secure Florida compound?

Anyone would think he was worried about being let back in next time he visits.