Donald Trump – Ridicule Not Rapture

It did not take long for Donald Trump’s “October Surprise” to go from what was supposed to be an event to change the course of the US Presidential Election to the butt of rather a lot of jokes. Even the deeply subversive Guardian got in on the act. But the king of the combover got precisely nowhere with his urging of Barack Obama to “do as I say or the kids suffering from cancer get it”.

Donald, where's yer hairspray?

Among Trump’s long time – and clearly long suffering – friends there was just a feeling that The Donald is making himself look silly. This was underscored by Barbara Walters on The View, who briefly interrupted yesterday’s show to give Trump her personal and very direct message.

Ms Walters looked straight at the camera and told Trump “Donald, you and I have known each other for many years and you know that I am your friend and I think you are a brilliant businessman and you are great on television and you have a fascinating personality. Donald, you're making a fool of yourself. You're not hurting Obama, you're hurting Donald and that hurts me because you're a decent man. Stop it. Get off it, Donald”.

Meanwhile, Adam Gabbatt of the Guardian contacted Trump’s HQ and suggested that The Donald make his own college records and passport application available. He offered to make his own available in return. Michael Cohen, special counsel to The Great Man, at first seemed amenable to the offer, but when it became clear that Gabbett was serious, the mood changed.

“I think what you're doing is you're, whether you're trying to be funny, intentionally or not, actually it's a stupid request on your behalf ... It's trying to poke fun at the fact that the president of the United States is the least transparent president that we've ever had. He may be the least transparent politician we've ever come across” Cohen snapped at Gabbett. Transparency, people. Not a cheap shot at the black guy.

But the best of the bunch came from Stephen Colbert in Wednesday’s Colbert Report, who had a message for Trump. “I will write you a cheque for one million dollars from Colbert SuperPAC – you know I’ve got it – to the charity of your choice. Anything – Save The Children, Feed The Children, Put The Children On Child Apprentice, whatever. One million actual dollars”.

And then came the condition: “If you will let me dip my balls in your mouth ... but this dipping, and I hope you’re listening very carefully, Mr Trump, has to be to my, and more importantly, my balls’ satisfaction”. And that just about sums up the credibility of Donald Trump and his witless intervention. It’s worthy only of ridicule, and the exasperation of his friends. So, once again, it has to be said.

Donald Trump, wannabe champion Credibility Apprentice – you’re fired.