Nadine’s Not So Little Helper

[Update at end of post]

Here on Zelo Street we hate to disappoint those whose lives hinge on their getting an occasional mention on the blog, especially the pretentious and terminally clueless out there on the right. So it is, therefore, that the time has come for the e-cattle prod to be directed at the flannelled fool Henry Cole, tame gofer to the perpetually thirsty Paul Staines at the Guido Fawkes blog.

I don't have to get graphs right, cos I'm on telly!

Master Cole, among various delusions about his status, believes that I “write an entire blog” about him. Sadly, I have better things to do than attend to plastic hacks – MPs’ resignations, Middle Eastern affairs, the Education debate, proper journalists, real politics, the Shafilea Ahmed case, matters Stateside, Phonehackgate and the EU are infinitely more deserving – but yesterday’s events merit my attention.

The Fawkes blog, under Cole’s less than honest direction, was characteristically misinforming its readers over whatever came to hand, so no-one should be surprised to see this graph purporting to show those rotten Lib Dems being, well, rotten. But one look at the left hand side shows that the ones doing the spinning are not Corporal Clegg’s motley platoon, but the Fawkes folks.

Yes, it’s the old Y-Axis fiddle: starting at 20% rather than at zero. And what makes this so hilariously inept is that Cole really believes that this kind of thing is fine, and equally that nobody is going to notice – rather than it leaping off the page, so obvious is the blundering idiocy. But this is merely a taster for the flannelled fool’s less than advisable revelation about his contacts.

The Fawkes blog ran an item about the apparent scrapping of Parliamentary boundary changes, which if carried through would have abolished the seat of Mid-Bedfordshire and with it the current career of (yes, it’s her again) Nadine Dorries. A rather long quote was secured from the fragrant Nadine laying into her Lib Dem Coalition partners. Was this a coincidence?

Well, no it wasn’t: as Cole let slip on Twitter, although Ms Dorries had switched off her phone for two hours during the day, after coming back on air she had clearly made responding to the Fawkes blog a first priority. Think about that. An MP, with all the constituency and campaigning workload that entails, seems to put Master Cole above all else and dictates a long and detailed quote to him.

I can’t think of one other MP who would go on record to the Guido Fawkes blog as a first port of call – and Staines and Cole have previous when it comes to giving her a rather easier time than they give any other Parliamentarian. Cole’s slip suggests that the relationship between Nadine Dorries and himself goes beyond the purely professional, and the news will, I’m sure, be of interest elsewhere.

So my thanks to the flannelled fool for this unintended bonus. Another fine mess.

[UPDATE 1250 hours: this post has so upset Master Cole that he has taken to Twitter to denounce me as a "toolbox", which has the advantage of not being quite as vicious as his previously used terms, such as "stalker" and "pikey".

You see, fiddling graphs is all a bit of harmless fun, a mere joke. Really? No, not really: this is just another lame slice of spinnery from the flannelled fool. But I'm glad to see he has no problem with my analysis of his closeness to Nadine Dorries.

And, as to why someone who blocks me on Twitter is still looking in, well, you lucky people will be finding out rather more about that tomorrow, as Zelo Street sheds a little more light on the Fawkes folks. Poor Henry will be in a terrible froth. Another fine mess, once again]