Dick And The Customs Check

Hardly had I passed adverse comment on the handing of the Edgar Wallace award to the Daily Mail’s turgid and unfunny churnalist Richard Littlejohn than his latest “not that I’m a racist bigot” column hits the news-stands, an event of such seismic magnitude that it does not register on the Richter scale at all. Dicky Windbag is concerned, folks, because it’s Political Correctness Gorn Mad (again).

Racism, Guv? Oh no, no, no, no, no, no ... yes

The headline tells readers all they need to know: “How to avoid airport security: Wear a burka”. I mean, he’s only saying, isn’t he? You can’t call a man a racist bigot just ‘cos he’s tellin’ it like it is, can you? These bombers, I mean, they’re everywhere, ain’t they? A man’s got a right to be secure in his own gated Florida compound, hasn’t he? (Surely “home”? – Ed).

And the line taken is mind-numbingly predictable: “Even when customs officials have been tipped off about a black drugs mule arriving on a plane from the Caribbean, they deliberately intercept a number of innocent white passengers so they can’t be accused of discrimination”. No they don’t. Customs will stop a range of people over time, and the occasional targeted one doesn’t affect that.

But then, Dick throws in a blatant whopper: “staff try to ensure the right racial ‘mix’ even though they have no legal right to detain people on such grounds”. A word in your shell-like, Dicky boy. Customs can stop who the bloody hell they like, when they like and where they like. They don’t have to give reasons, but, unlike blowhards who sound off  in the press, they do have a responsible job to do.

That, of course, doesn’t appease Dick. “We’ve all watched elderly white passengers being put through the third degree, while young Asian men wearing backpacks waft past unchallenged. I’ve seen distressed grey-haired pensioners being patted down intimately and forced to empty all their belongings out of their hand luggage.  Meanwhile, women in full burkas are waved through with a cheery: ‘Have a nice flight.’”

Littlejohn logic explained by the Pythons

No we haven’t. And this is just Muslim bashing under another name. I can’t remember ever seeing a “grey-haired pensioner”, “distressed” or otherwise, being searched as Dicky Windbag describes. This is just crude nudge-nudgery which leads up to the predictable Littlejohn conclusion “The nature of the threat makes the case for racial profiling at airports compelling”.

Dick, you don’t know what the heck “the threat” is. Customs do. And much of the “enhanced security” business is down to one thing: you’re flying in and out of the USA, and they’re calling the shots on security levels. You get none of this when flying around the EU and other EEA countries. Littlejohn should stop poking his bugle in on Customs’ patch. After all, there’s lots more in the world for him to get bigoted about. Mind how you go, Dicky boy.