Let Sleeping Dick Lie

As the Easter break comes to a close, it is – albeit briefly – back to business as usual, which means more unresearched and overrated drivel from the self-aggrandising windbag that is Richard Littlejohn. Today, Fat Dick is trying to align himself with the legacy of the late John Sullivan, his reasoning being that he occasionally likens those he smears to characters from one of Sullivan’s sitcoms.

But, sad to say, this will not turn the overmonied and tedious Littlejohn into a creator of new comedy (and definitely not Tolstoy): rather, it signifies the onset of yet more very old and thin comedy, well beyond its sell-by date. Dick says of Sullivan “his output was prodigious, his quality control rigorous”, so on the latter point the two already diverge sharply.

My noo sitcom, Guv - issa larf, innit?

And the plagiarising of Sullivan’s characters is explained thus: “The reason I occasionally write a spoof sitcom ... is because the characters are instantly recognisable to millions”. No, Dickie boy, it’s because you aren’t capable of sufficiently original thought, and nicking someone else’s creation is another example of your lazy and derivative hackery.

But any irritation at the return of the Littlejohn regurgitation machine is soon swept away when he arrives at the subject of Labour leader Ed Miliband. He tells of Mil The Younger’s upcoming operation, and then lets slip “Every time Miliband comes on the TV he gets right up my nose and I immediately fall into a deep, life-threatening sleep”.

I hadn’t previously warmed to Ed, but that’s made my mind up. More Ed Miliband on the TV, less Littlejohn. It’s a deal!