Fat Dick And His Forward Combing

The ravages of time can do terrible things to male vanity. Parts of the body get older and creakier, other parts get flabby, and some even fall out. Into the latter category comes the curse of male pattern baldness: many of us blokes find out as the years advance that what doesn’t go grey, goes period.

And for some, the fear of going into terminal hairline recession becomes such an obsession that they start talking around the subject: not talking of their own fears, but projecting them on to others. This latter category appears to be gaining a most deserving new recruit, the obscenely overpaid and under-talented Fat Dick Littlejohn.

In his last two columns, Fat Dick has started to mock those men who wear hairpieces (scroll down in both cases). True, the examples he shows are particularly bad – he’s not fingered Eddie Jordan as yet – but it’s becoming a habit. In his latest attempt at mockery, he asks “is it vanity or bravery that drives men to these lengths?”, while his column shows that same old stock photo of him, leaning forward and with hair combed likewise.

Fortunately, there are pics of Fat Dick available that give a more, shall we say, interesting angle: this one is from 2007. And the impression is given that the Littlejohn recession is well under way: things will not have improved in the intervening three and a half years.

So next time there is a Littlejohn “Syrup Watch” (geddit?!?), remember those projected feelings of concern from Fat Dick for his disappearing barnet. Allegedly.