However, and here we encounter a significantly sized however, Bozo is rumoured to be hermetically tight with money, comparisons with a camel’s arse in a sandstorm being typical. So it should have surprised no-one when the right-leaning part of our free and fearless press geared up last night to tell the world that the couple, happy or otherwise, had married in a ceremony so secret that they had all been briefed about it.
The increasingly wayward Mail on Sunday has claimed an exclusive (so much so that every other paper that wants to talk about it has the story), proclaiming “BORIS AND CARRIE GET MARRIED IN SECRET … First PM to wed in office since 1822 … He couldn’t take his eyes off the bride”. On pain of her lamping him, perhaps.
Over at the increasingly desperate and downmarket Telegraph, the news everyone knows about is still secret: “PM marries Carrie in secret ceremony … Couple tie the knot at Westminster Cathedral but even senior aides were kept in the dark”. Westminster Cathedral? That’s the Roman Catholic one, right? Isn’t there a problem with that?
Mark Drew, who happens to be a priest, thought there was. “Can anyone explain to me how ‘Boris’ Johnson, who left the Catholic Church while at Eton and is twice divorced, can be married at Westminster Cathedral, while I have to tell practicing Catholics in good faith who want a second marriage in Church that it's not possible?” Well, indeed.
But wedded they are, with Downing Street finally confirming this morning what they had already told the press, even issuing a photo of the happy couple. And all without those pesky expenses: Bozo hasn’t had to stump up for a stag night, the wedding reception for all those hundreds of guests, or even a reassuringly upmarket honeymoon.
After all, it would have to be somewhere exclusive - none of that slumming it with the hoi polloi for Cash and Carrie, no chance of seeing Brexit Bozo honeymooning anywhere on mainland Europe. Having exchanged vows, he’s kicked that particular cost down the road until next year. Ultimately, he may not have to pay for it at all.
Looks like she's got custody of the quids
If the bill for renovating the flat above 11 Downing Street can be picked up by a Tory donor, a trip to Mustique can be paid for by someone else, and all those upmarket takeaways provided likewise, as the Tory press wipes his arse and Bozo gets away with it, then by next year, arranging for someone else to pick up the wedding reception and honeymoon tabs should be a piece of cake. Especially as the press will cover for him. Again.
But ultimately he can’t put off the years of school fees - one wouldn’t send one’s offspring to one of those ghastly state schools - and University bills. Two lots if Carrie decides she wants another child. Bozo will have to stop being PM to make the dosh to pay for that.
The consequences of not being able to keep your pants zipped up, eh? Sad, really.
Enjoy your visit to Zelo Street? You can help this truly independent blog carry on talking truth to power, while retaining its sense of humour, by adding to its Just Giving page at