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Saturday, 5 January 2019

No Deal Brexit - NO PIZZA OR CURRY

The collective myopia of senior Tories over the possibility of Britain leaving the EU without a deal has been brought into sharp focus, not by our free and fearless press, or, whisper it quietly, the broadcasters, but the HuffPost UK, whose deputy political editor Arj Singh has revealed the disturbing detachment from reality of those who have, until recently, held cabinet rank in the Government, as they discuss a mythical “clean Brexit”.
Someone Singh describes as a “Remain-voting ex-minister” is quoted as saying “Everyone can see this agreement is a disaster … Whilst I think it was right to vote the way I did, actually in the end we have got to say that faced with the only option that we have, which is the deal or WTO and lots of smaller deals, would we rather have a clean Brexit?

Remember, no country in the world trades exclusively on WTO terms. None. Zero. Zilch. Zip. Nil. Nada. Not a sausage. Bugger all. But the delusion extends to a “senior backbencher” who says of WTO rules “that it is what most of the world have got”. Wrong.

And the biscuit is well and truly taken in no style at all by “a Leave-backing former cabinet minister” who has claimed “To a certain degree but people aren’t going round and saying no deal is going to be a cakewalk … But when people are seeing the technical notices they are asking, how much will this actually impact people’s lives?
Pizza ... with lots of tomato in the topping

Well, indeed. Who’s bothered about a few hundred thousand job losses, Sterling going through the floor, the economy tanking by over 9% - the Government’s own figures - and the flight of manufacturing industry? But this former minister had more to say.

We won’t be able to get certain foods like bananas or tomatoes but it’s not like we won’t be able to eat. And we’ll be leaving at a time when British produce is beginning to come into season so it’s the best possible time to leave with no deal”. Most of our food is imported. British produce could not possibly make up the shortfall.

Leaving aside, though, the assembled stupidity of those who are paid from taxpayer funds to make decisions on the peoples’ behalf - as opposed to blindly following political ideology - that last statement lets slip that most takeaway favourites would become unavailable in the no-deal Brexit scenario the ex-minister has outlined. I kid you not.
Curry - with a can of tomatoes in it

We won’t be able to get certain foods like bananas or tomatoes” he said. Tomatoes. No tomatoes. Tomatoes, or tomato paste, is one of the basic elements of what goes on top of a pizza. No tomatoes, no pizza. Therefore, no deal means no pizza.

And it gets worse: all those who look at an impending pizza shortage, shrug, and decide to go for a curry instead are also in for a nasty shock. Why so? Er, ever seen your curry being put together in the restaurant or takeaway? Tomatoes. Almost every curry has tomatoes, or tomato paste, in it. You make curry at home? Look at the ingredient list on your curry cook-in sauce or curry paste jar. No tomatoes, no curry.

That’s just one example of how the Tory right is out of touch with reality. How many more of our favourite foods are in danger from this convocation of bone-headed idiocy?

No deal means no pizza or curry. And they don’t care. Be afraid, voters. Be very afraid.
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10 comments:

Arnold said...

Project Fear. Seaborne Freight has experience delivering pizzas. With the army to help with door to door deliveries, what can possibly go wrong?

Anonymous said...

I'm a remain voter who couldn't care less if we never again see pizza, curry or tomatoes.

But when things go pear-shaped after Brexit I DO care that eventually we'll see even worse versions of tory "austerity". You know, the "austerity" that is "now over", but which mysteriously fails to restore stolen local authorities funding.

Then again, enough Brits were mug enough to believe there would be a "peace dividend" at the end of the Cold War.

Bend over and get shafted again Britain. That's what the tories want. Greed never sleeps.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to burst your culinary bubble Tim, but clearly you've never heard of pizza bianca - they have no tomato.

Wildswimmer Pete said...

We had to import food during WWII as we couldn't feed ourselves despite digging up every scrap of ground to plant vegetables - "Dig for Victory". Problem is, during the Dig for Victory the UK's population was four million, now it's around 6.5 million.

Wildswimmer Pete said...

Sorry Tim,

Had a senior moment, the UK population during WWII was 40 million, now around 65 million.

Dough, oh dear, in times austere said...

Anon 11:54
Wow - a boring, tomato-free pizza. In light of WTO tariffs on cheese, how about going even further with dairy-free pizza? Bland of Hopeless Tory.

Anonymous said...

To the failed wit at 16:29; you can have a dairy-free pizza - it's called a pizza rossa. No cheese. But it does involve tomatoes. And a good pizza bianca is a joy to eat, not boring at all.

Dough, oh dear, in times austere said...

Anon 17:37
I try to inject humour into things about the Tory Brexit clusterfuck, but I cannot please everyone.

With dairy products likely to become luxuries after UK leaves the EU and tomato shortages etc., you'll have pizza insipida.

Roderick Joyce said...

You won't have a pizza bianca, anemica, or rossa if if the Tory's wet dream becomes reality. We import pizza flour as well. It'll have to be a pizza invisibile.

Flood said...

So what are we self sufficient in at the moment? Potatoes? Nettles? Cheddar Cheese? Lobsters? Beef Wellington? Pickled onions? English wine?

Strewth - they'll be repossessing my Dad's tomato plants from his green house so that the PM can still have her pizza!