Here on Zelo Street, it’s not just about the serious business of the EU referendum - I’ve already posted on that - but the lighter side of what has been a singularly acrimonious contest. That acrimony could be reduced significantly, and in some cases, banished forever, if the electorate votes to Remain. How? Here’s how.
Nigel Farage would vanish from the TV screen. No more waking up on Sunday to see Mr Thirsty on The Andy Marr Show (tm) or Peston On Sunday. No more photo-ops with Nige on his third pint of the morning. No more watching the head Kipper swanning around in his most offensive pair of strides. Gone.
All the other UKIP talking heads going off air, too. Like Paul Nuttall doing his Pub-Landlord-Meets-Alexei-Sayle schtick. Like Douglas “Kamikaze” Carswell. Like Roger Helmer. All swept away and replaced by actual reasonable and less boring pundits.
Less TV appearances for Katie Hopkins, too. You don’t want to see paranoid bigots like Hatey Katey paraded across daytime TV? Vote Remain and see her credibility vanish before your eyes. Denied the oxygen of publicity, Mail Online would soon bin her too.
No more visits from Louise Mensch. Was there ever a more smug, loud-mouthed, dishonest, intolerant and soulless face of the Out campaign? Flying in, very expensively, just to let the little people know which way they should vote, before very expensively flying back to New York to continue her gilded existence. Vote Remain to keep her on Fox News Channel (fair and balanced my arse) - and not in the UK.
Tell Paul Dacre where to shove his orders. The Daily Mail’s legendarily foul mouthed editor still hasn’t learned the lesson of 1997, when he told his readers to vote Tory and they decided not to take any notice. Vote Remain to tell this intolerant bully-boy that he is officially yesterday’s man. Along with his roster of overpaid and talentless pundits.
Even less credibility for Guido Fawkes. The perpetually thirsty Paul Staines and his obedient rabble like to pretend that their propaganda wagon can drive the news and shape opinion. Vote Remain to leave him in peace with his lunchtime chorizo burger and bottle of Chablis. And no valid driver’s licence.
Tories’ lunatic fringe banished to the wilderness. All the opportunists, ideologues and sometimes seriously dodgy characters from the Tory right would see their own version of a currency collapse: Daniel Hannan, Liam Fox, Chris Grayling, Priti Patel, as well as Bozza and Michael “Oiky” Gove can become history by Voting Remain.
AND FINALLY Tell Rupert Murdoch to mind his own business and piss off. The Dirty Digger and his motley mafiosi have been coarsening political discourse for more than 40 years, smearing, hacking, bullying, strong-arming and effectively bribing their way to More And Bigger Paycheques For Themselves Personally Now. Well, Creepy Uncle Rupe doesn’t have a vote today. Vote Remain to tell him and his thugs what you think of them sticking their bugle into your politics.
Vote Remain and see all these unpleasant influences diminished - for good.